


realize

by sseriwoos



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Assassins & Hitmen, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Murder, Physical Abuse, assassin serim, both woobin and serim have a bad past, i swear it isnt really THAT heavy, jungmo and allen only appeared sometimes but they are important
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseriwoos/pseuds/sseriwoos
Summary: life is just merely a life, everyone would be dead at the end of the day, the only difference is the time consumed.
Relationships: Park Serim/Seo Woobin
Kudos: 24





	1. kill or to be killed

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! as promised, i came back with a chaptered fic again. the topic around this time is set as heavy too so i would really like for everyone to read the tags before reading the fic. i hope everyone will enjoy this (enjoy waiting too because i dont really set a particular time or day to update hehe but i promised you it wont be too long) 
> 
> leave me comments too! either here or at my twitter account (@crvtywoo). have fun reading!

_ “Serim, love, come here," the 7 years old looked up to his mother, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He walked towards her with a heavy heart as his mom sob quietly in front of him. Wiping her tears in a hurry, she put a necklace in his son’s hand, wrapping it tightly, "keep this with you,” _

_ “Promise me that you will take care of yourself, hm?” His mother brought him into a hug. He could feel his shirt wet with tears as his mother kept on crying, “Mom, what’s wrong?”  _

_ “Whatever that you will listen after this, don’t ever look back, take the bag I packed for you yesterday and run,” His mom held him as he stood there, afraid. Tears started to brim in his eyes.  _

_ The sudden loudness from the front door startled the both of them and his mother quietly cupped his mouth, signaling him to stay as quiet as possible. He could feel how the hands cupping his mouth shake in awaken fear and his tears fell silently.  _

_ They heard light footsteps, sounds of things thrown around and his mother quickly turned him around to look at her, she planted a soft kiss on his forehead and with her shaking hand, she push the packed bag into the younger’s hand, “Run, Serim,”  _

_ “But m-mom, how about you-”  _

_ The sound of footsteps keeps on getting nearer and his mother stands against the door, “Run now, Serim! RUN!”  _

_ He was afraid, tears streamed down his face in agony, he didn't know what to do. He doesn’t want to leave his mom.  _

_ “We will meet again when the time is right, so now, go, GO,” She pushed him hurriedly and the young boy ran forcefully, not even a few steps forward, he could hear the door break down and the sounds of guns blaring through the air.  _

_ He wanted to look back, but he remembers what his mother told him.  _

  
  


-

Serim opened his eyes wide. The sound of his heartbeat beating so fast could clearly be heard inside the empty and silent room. His eyes darted around and his once haggard breathing gradually dissipated to just a slow huff of air as he registers the surroundings he is in. Pinching his forehead as headache starts to flock in, he closes his eyes.

_ I dreamt about that again.  _

He slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard as he took his time to recollect the piece of information he always got and sigh a minute after that, knowing he still couldn’t connect the pieces of memory. 

Rubbing his sweaty face, he was about to lay down again when he could hear a crashing sound from next door, just like every other night since the first time he moved here last week. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he closes his eyes, trying his best to ignore whatever business that is happening in his neighbour’s house. 

But the eerie silence of his room is broken down with a loud cry, one that is always too painful for Serim to hear. 

It’s not a woman’s voice and the sobbing will always last for a few minutes before he could hear someone walking out of his neighbour’s house, the front door will be closed with a beep and the silent will be back suffocating him with his thoughts. 

Every single day, this is what he experienced for the past 7 days. Yet he never really saw his neighbour or even a glimpse of anyone from next door. Serim didn’t realize but he slowly slipped off into sleepiness again and the next thing he knew, he woke up to the sound of his alarm blaring throughout the room. 

**6:00 A.M**

The clock shows that it’s only 6 in the morning but that’s the only thing he needs to fully wake himself up and make a lazy walk towards the shower. He is still sleepy though, never really waking up most of the time. Entering the bathroom with a yawn, he stares at his face. He is undeniably handsome (as what his workmates always said) but there’s something behind that face that he couldn’t tell himself. 

It’s been a good 10 years since he stepped into this hell that he built himself, working as an assassin,  _ does that even count as a work though? _ That’s what he always questioned himself but Serim wouldn't care less, it’s not like he could remember anything from the past. His whole life started when he was 15 years old. Before that? He couldn’t remember or he just simply didn't want to remember anything.

Lazily, he pulled off his sweater, and the mirror reflected how his toned body was filled with scars. He could even write a book on each scar if he could. He may sound like he is crazy but the scars that he got when he succeeded in his missions are like victory to him. It isn’t like life means anything to him anymore. So, watching the scars on his body is like watching how his past 10 years was spent doing nothing but killing people. The scars could mean something to him, at least, like a reminder that he lived, he always told himself that. 

His life is always the same repetition.

He got up, he killed people, he got paid, he lived. 

Getting into the shower, he closes his eyes again as the shower tap rinses the tiredness from his eyes and seconds after that, he could hear the same beautiful voices he heard every morning. He didn’t know if he did this on purpose or it’s just a coincidence but he always found himself listening to him every morning for the past 7 days. Sometimes it’s just his sweet singing voices, sometimes it’s his rough moaning, sometimes it’s just a soft humming. But, for Serim. All of those are always so sweet to his ears and those beautiful voices' owner is his unknown neighbour. 

The wall in this apartment is just too thin, he could hear him clearly. Serim never cares about what other people meant to him but this time, maybe he cares for once. But he always thinks it’s because he started to pity the latter. It sort of unthinkable because why would someone as evil as he is, pity someone.

He couldn’t pinpoint that too but whenever he listened to those cries next door, he can’t help but to feel like that. 

His phone chimed up with a notification a few seconds later and he hurriedly check it knowing who would contact him at this hour, 

**Boss**

Remember about your meeting today, 8 am sharp.

That’s all that it takes for Serim to remember his initial business here. 

Well, it’s not like he has a choice anyway. 

-

Leaving the small studio house, he makes sure his face is covered. The neighbours aren’t exactly the friendly type so he didn’t have a hard time trying to not appear suspicious. Making sure the door was locked, he was about to walk towards the elevator when someone passed by him in a hurry, dropping their things on the floor.

Usually at times like this, Serim would leave them to handle things on their own but he realized where this person came from. It’s from the direction of his neighbour’s house and curiosity is building up inside him so bad, he wants to at least catch a glimpse of his face. 

So he kneels down and starts to help the latter with his documents. 

“I’m so sorry for troubling you this early in the morning,” the guy croaked out,  _ it’s the same sweet voice.. _ . 

He looked up to him so he could at least catch a glimpse of his face. 

And the scene that unfolds in front of him makes him feel somewhat uneasy. In front of him is a guy somewhat the same build as he is, but maybe a little smaller, with straight brown hair, bundled up in a thick padding as he carefully collected all of his files. But Serim is too focused on his face, and he didn’t realize he was staring, not until the said guy held out his hands to him so he could help him to stand up from his kneeling position. 

“H-Hello, are you listening?” 

Serim quickly stands up, quickly pulling the mask to hide his face even more and brushing the hand that is holding out for him to take and leave the scene immediately. He didn’t like how he was feeling. He didn’t even understand what was that but all he have in his mind was,

_ His face is as beautiful as how his sweet voice sounded.  _

And he doesn’t like that. 

-

“You’re a few minutes late I supposed,” The taller man across the desk looked at him with curiosity and Serim deadpanned for a moment, only for a moment though before he composes himself and keeps up a straight face. 

“I’m sorry sir, was caught up in a traffic,” 

The man smirks after that, knowing all too well that he is lying.

“You’ve work with me for the past 10 years, I know you too well, you can’t fool me like that,”

Serim was about to say something when the man continued, ”But I wouldn’t interfere with this one, I will just think that you’re still in your holiday mood. So, how have you been, Serim?” 

“I’ve rested well sir, and I could come back to work anytime soon. I heard you need me,” 

“Correct. You’ve also probably wondering why did I put you into the apartment too I supposed,” 

Serim just nodded. 

“You can take this file. Every infos has been listed here, if you need more infos, you know where to find me. I don’t think this will take you long but you can do it as long as you want. But remember, I want him gone and I want it done,” 

“Yes sir,” 

He took the file in his hand, not flipping through it straight away. It’s just what he always does. He would flip through it once he is back home in his own confinement, reading through the information so he could start to plot on how to start his mission. 

It doesn’t usually take long for him. The fastest he could have everything done is only a week and the longest it took him was only for a month. Between all of the assassin his boss hired, everyone think he is the only one with most guts because for Serim. Life is just merely a life, everyone would be dead at the end of the day, the only difference is the time consumed. 

He always thinks he did a favor for all of these people he killed. Because there will always be a reason why they are worth killing. 

His past victims were a rapist, a killer, a pedophile. He could count one by one and none of them were innocent.

  
  


-

  
  


“A new case again?” Allen asked him. 

Allen is not necessarily a friend. As what Serim thought, why would he or even any other assassins hired under his boss need a friend, why would they need one when at the end of the day their hands are dirtied with bloods of various people. 

But his boss' answer was pretty short; it sent a shiver down his spine at the least. 

_ “You always need someone you can rely on but that someone needs to be the same people who had a past like you, or had their hands dirty like you, no one wanted to befriend a killer, do they?”  _

Serim nodded to Allen’s question, “Well, there’s a few tho, I think there’s 3 of it but I haven’t really go through the case file that much yet,” 

“Goodluck,” 

Serim looked next to him as Allen just gave him a small smirk before he got into his car, speeding in front of the latter. They don’t usually exchange words but he knows what Allen's goodluck meant. 

It means,  _ “don’t die,”  _

  
  


-

  
  


“Woobin,” 

Shiver ran through his whole body as he heard the sound coming from the living room. He doesn’t like it, none of this. 

“What-” 

_ Slap. _

“What the fuck is wrong with you-” but he didn’t even have the chance to say anything because before he could, a hand is wrapped around his throat, blocking his windpipe from air. 

“Why did you left the fucking house without asking me, you bitch,” 

He struggles in his hold, hand flying up to the fingers that are blocking his windpipe. Tears started to brim in his eyes as he couldn't breathe. 

"L-let m-me go-" 

"I told you to fucking listen to me, why can't you?" 

Tears streamed down his face as his face gradually turned pale, eyes darted around as his visions started to get blurry. 

The man in front of him releases the hands that are choking him and he falls down, face flat on the floor as his legs grow weak. 

"You can't go out tomorrow," 

And Woobin snapped at him so hard he felt like crying, "I have to go to work," his voice rough, painful with every word as it stabbed its throat. 

"I don't care, you will fucking sit in this room, you will not be able to go anywhere," 

The guy was about to walk out of the room when Woobin held his legs, "P-please, just let me go to work, I need money," 

He felt humiliation running through his body, but this is the only way. He needed to try, he can't be confined here for days, he could be fired. 

But the latter kicked his hand away, walking towards the door before closing it. Woobin can’t run for the door, let alone stand up so he just crawls towards the door weakly. He heard the lock from outside and his eyes widened in complete horror.

"N-no, FUCK, NO, HYUNBIN, FUCKING OPEN THE DOOR!" 

-

His mind is a mess, too much stuff in his head he couldn't really think straight. He stroked his throat and winced from the pain it gave him. Hyunbin left him alone, he didn't hear anything from the latter. He didn't realize it but he fell asleep on the floor while waiting for him to come back home. But there's only a tray with a glass of water and two tablets of painkiller on the desk in the room when he woke up. 

He is on the bed, wrapped in a comfortable comforter. His shirt was changed into a pajama top. He knows no one else did this but Hyunbin but instead of relief, the hatred just burns in his heart even more. 

He stands up, and walks to the door with hope that it is unlocked but as he holds the doorknob and twists it, it is locked. The door is originally installed like that, it could be locked from the outside but not from the inside. He sighed as he leaned down against the door, hands ruffling his hair in frustrations. 

He didn't realize how much he cries these days but he is doing it again. 

But it's also his fault for still staying with the latter. It's his fault because even how manipulative the latter could be, he couldn't forget about what he did to save him before. 

He is stuck and he would rather die. But he remembers this one particular word that made him stop killing himself. 

_ Don’t die here, you think if you die you won’t be a nuisance to people? You will, so don’t ever think of killing yourself. _

And so he didn’t.

  
  


-

  
  


Serim sips his coffee and leans against the chair in his living room. He heard all of it, the cries, the scream of fear and agony. He never heard the other guy's voices before, that was the first time in 8 days he listened to it since he was here. He could connect a few dots about his neighbour. 

One, they are a couple. Two, in an abusive relationship. Three, the victim couldn’t get out of the relationship because he either still loves him or he is either tied with an agreement or he is guilty of something. He sighs as he opens the first case file that he received. 

There’s two. 

The first file is about a guy named Moon Hyunbin. He is 24 years old. A gambler and an abuser. Reason to kill: He has been abusing his step brother ever since their parents died because of homicide.

_ That’s it?  _

But Serim ponder for a while because this case is oddly familiar, he remembers hearing the name Hyunbin but he couldn’t pinpoint from where but then when he look back at the abuser word, he frowns and widened his eyes in realization. 

_ It’s not a couple, they’re brothers instead.  _

His eyes trail down towards the wall connecting to the next house, knowing all too well that this is really the reason why his boss had made him live here for 7 whole days. It’s not for him to rest, it’s for him to understand the situation. 

He took the second file, opened it and his eyes widened. He was left staring at the picture, knowing all too well who’s the person behind it. 

**Name: Seo Woobin**

**Age: 24 years old.**

**Occupation: He works as a music teacher in an academy, and does part times at the bar during night time.**

**Reason to kill: He killed both of his parents.**

And he was left wondering there the whole night. 


	2. your eyes, they are pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i always believe you were a distant memory, but you're real, and you're here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw physical abuse 
> 
> hello! only 3.2k words but I hope you guys can grasp some of the plot by now hehe, this chapter is a lot more triggering than last time so please don't read if you can't, and please remember to read the tags before reading ^^ (not beta read again rip)

"You do realized I did this because I love you, right?" Hyunbin stammers, hands holding Woobin's calloused one as they eat their breakfast silently after the whole fiasco yesterday. 

"You won't lock me inside the room if you truly love me as your twin brother," Woobin said simply, eyes not even looking at him. 

"Look at me when you're talking," and Woobin lazily gaze towards him, eyes bored, uninterested. 

Hyunbin gave him a small smile, taking the plate in Woobin's hand, and walked to the disher to wash it for the latter. They are drowned by their own thoughts again, the silence is relaxing for Woobin but it broke out with the latter saying,

"I'm sorry," it came out so suddenly like a whisper. 

But Woobin couldn’t care less, he ignores it. It's usually a meaningless apology. Hyunbin would do it again tomorrow just like any other day. The only thing he could do was take it, take it to whatever extent he could, 

_but maybe I deserve it,_ he thought. 

"I'm going to work," 

The latter shot him a look, "Don't fucking do anything out of my reach," 

Woobin sighs, ignoring the latter once again as he leaves the house. He hated how the older mood can suddenly turn 360 into another Hyunbin. With a thin line of his lips, he left the house, he would deal with that later. Sometimes he is surprised that he is still alive. It isn’t that he isn’t strong enough to fight Hyunbin back, he just doesn’t want to, knowing how much secret the latter holds about both of their past. 

His brother could even kill him with the amount of abuse he had been putting up but he is still alive and that's questionable. But maybe this is a part of Hyunbin's plan. To watch him suffer after everything that he did. 

Woobin huffs a puff of breath as he stands at the bus stop. His fingers are icy cold and he is freezing even when he already wears like 3 layers of thick cloth. Wrapping himself with the muffler that he brought with him, he just stares at the road in front of him as his mind goes flying to the guy from yesterday. 

He remembers him vividly.

He was clad in a leather jacket, a mask and a cap, covering almost 70% of his face. But Woobin could see his eyes and that was the only thing that he remembered for the whole day. _Maybe being kicked by Hyunbin isn’t that bad huh,_ he smirks pitifully, he sounded so pathetic but maybe it really isn’t that bad. He saw him a few times before but he didn’t know he was his neighbour, now that he knew, he was thinking of sending a welcome gift but that thoughts quickly went away. 

_As if Hyunbin would let me to._

But he wanted to meet him again. 

The bus arrived a few minutes later and he was about to enter when someone knocked him, cutting the line. He was fuming and was already shouting at that person when someone tapped on his shoulder startling him, 

“I think this is yours?” 

Woobin turned around and he was met with the same guy from yesterday. 

  
  


-

  
  


Serim followed the younger from behind, his initial plan today was only to follow him to his workplace. This isn’t what he always does but there’s still too many loopholes about his target and since they are brothers, he will try to approach one of them first. 

Woobin is a better case here as Hyunbin will not cooperate that much considering his behaviour so that’s why he found himself following the latter walking through the pavement towards the bus stop. Something is in the younger’s mind as he never registers the surroundings around him, not even realizing that someone is following him. 

When the bus arrived, some small collision happened making the younger fall along with his things, he didn’t realize he dropped his bus card. Serim didn’t know what got into him but he was quick to pick the card. And that was their first ever conversation. 

“I think this is yours?” 

Woobin is looking at him, at first his face contorts in question but it gradually grows into a thin smile, “Thank you,” he chirps before taking the card from Serim’s hand and entering the bus. Their fingers brush against each other and Serim found himself staring again. 

He didn’t enter the bus and he watched it go away. His mind is still trying to register what just happened but he is sure, something about Woobin is attracting- no, it’s not attracting. The younger is distracting him from what he was supposed to do. 

He took a deep breath and calmed himself down as he started to get antsy. He doesn’t understand and he doesn’t want to try. He knows if he took another different step closer, it would be bad for him and everything that he had done for the past 10 years will go to waste. 

  
  


-

  
  


“Did you get me the information I needed?” 

“Yes, we will send it through email,” Serim nodded in agreement but quickly replied to them with a “Sure,” knowing how they can’t see him through the phone call. 

His mind, undeniably still thinking about this morning but he is back in his house, plotting on ways to get closer to his targets so his job will be easier. 

First, his boss had already made his job easier by letting him move next to their house, he could easily plot the time when each of the two went out of their house and got back home. Aside from 10 a.m in the morning and 3 a.m in the morning, Serim never really listens to the front door opening or closing. 

He wrote the time stamp on the transparent acrylic board next to Woobin’s picture. The only one who’s working is the other twin, while the other one, Hyunbin, comes home every night only to physically abuse his brother, either for money or either he just wants to because he is drunk. 

Serim stares at what he had written for a while, knowing well he can’t get close to Hyunbin because it’s hard to pinpoint his whereabouts. But it’s easier to get through Woobin because he is more vulnerable. 

The email he received just now is the information of Woobin’s workplaces. The first workplace is where he worked as a musical teacher in an academy. The academy isn’t too far from here, that explains why he rode a bus every morning. And the second is the bar he works at during night time. It’s a bit secluded and it’s in Gangnam but Serim knows every single bar at Gangnam like the back of his hand, he could make this work. 

Finishing off the last information, he pulls out a picture of a family from the file. 

A mom, dad, and two sons. Both clad in high school uniform. If he didn’t know the basic history behind this picture, he would think they are a happy family. 

He circled the parents picture and wrote next to it, _killed by Woobin.._

Usually, the file he received will have a handful of history from his victims’ past but this time, the only information he got was they were killed by the latter and a very sketchy picture of rope hanging from the ceiling. 

Information like this means he still has a lot to dig in, and there’s only one way he can try. 

Through Seo Woobin. 

  
  


-

  
  


“Alright class, that’s all for today, make sure to finish up the tutorial about the note we learned today and submit it tomorrow,” Woobin says, glasses perch on his nose bridge as he smiles towards his students. A wave of goodbye was given by his students as they walked out of the class leaving him alone. 

A click of tongue was heard from the door frame as he packed his stuff and he smiled. 

“Now why are you wearing that even inside a building with heaters on,” Jungmo walked in. 

Woobin held the muffler around his neck, aware why it’s there but he needed to create another excuse again. Jungmo can never know what happened at home, “It’s getting a lot colder these days, I just decided to wear because I can’t stand the weather,” 

Woobin spat out and he hurriedly took his padding that he had hung, to add into his acting of easily getting cold. 

Jungmo gave him a disapproving smile, knowing too well that his friend is lying again and again. 

“It’s Hyunbin again, isn’t it?” 

Woobin’s body went rigid for a second and his shoulders sag after that, slowly he replied, “It’s not what you think it is,” 

“Woobin, do you even realize what he is doing to you??” 

The latter had his mouth zipped. He knows that Hyunbin is a monster but he can’t get out of his grasp, even how much Jungmo talked about it with him. There’s something that he couldn’t tell anyone about, and the guilt haunts him until the present day. 

“I’m fine Jungmo-” 

Jungmo pulled the muffler and unwrapped it around the latter’s neck, eyes widened in complete shock as he saw the blue and purple mark around Woobin’s pale neck. 

“Don’t tell me you’re okay with this,” Jungmo looked at him furiously, “You can’t be serious Woobin, do you want him to kill you???” 

He quickly snatched the muffler in Jungmo’s hand and wrapped it around his neck in a hurry, “He won’t,” 

Woobin walks past him, trying to run away from Jungmo’s gaze, out of pity? Anger? He doesn’t know. But he knows for sure Jungmo wanted to save him. 

  
  


-

_“Mom, look, Woobin said he wants to apply for art school-” Woobin’s eyes sparkles as he watched his brother explained about the art school towards their mother, “- have you ever listen to him sing? He is so good at it! I’m sure he will do great-”_

_“I won’t approve that,” Their father walked down from the stairs, eyes looking at the younger son between the two of them, “You won’t be studying music,”_

_“But dad-” Hyunbin is fast to object._

_“You can’t even do well like your brother and you want to go against my word??? Why can’t you shut up and study, improved your grades instead of whining about art school,”_

_Hyunbin look at his brother next to him, hand grasping the cold one, wrapping it to rub a soothing circle as Woobin’s shoulder slumped, every words sending him a wave of humiliations._

_“Go upstairs and study, what are you waiting for? Stop being a disgrace,” The sharp gaze moved to look at the older one between the two and a sweet smile was given to him instead._

_“Hyunbin, remember about your dinner tonight for your scholarship? Don’t forget to dress up nicely, I’ve prepared you a tailored suit for you to wear,”_

_“Alright dad,”_

_Woobin pushed Hyunbin’s hand from gripping his shaking one and he walked towards the stairs, eyes completely watering but he quickly wiped those tears away, leaving the heavy atmosphere in the living room._

_Hyunbin quickly followed his brother along, he didn't want to leave him alone._

_“Woob, I can cancel the dinner to teach you-”_

_“It’s okay, dad will hit you if you do, I can do it alone,” Woobin fake a smile towards his brother._

_“I will bring you some food from the buffet party okay?” Hyunbin offers again and the younger’s eyes lit up._

_“Okay.”_

-

“Hey, hey! Are you listening?” Woobin’s eyes widened as he realize he has been thinking about his past while working, “Sorry sir, yes, what can I get you?” 

“Two shots of vodka please…. sexy,” Woobin rolled his eyes as he turned around. He is so used to cat calls. His customers just chuckled at how his cheeks started heating up. 

The bar is quite empty as it's still early, only a few early drinkers are present. He takes a deep breath and exhales it forcefully. He makes sure the scarf around his neck is properly placed, it couldn’t cover the entire bruises but it could work. The dim lights of the club make it unnoticeable. 

Working his part time at the bar is actually a way for him to unwind, at least he is not under Hyunbin’s death grip and he is still making extra money for the food on their table. With a sigh, he delivers the drinks to his customers and smiles politely. 

He was busy attending other customers that he didn’t realize someone was staring at him from the place they were seated. 

  
  


-

  
  


Serim’s eyes never left the latter, he felt like his eyes were boring into the younger’s scarf around his neck. His hands are itching to pull it away, to see the bruises. He was about to call when Woobin approached him, “Can I have your drinks sir?” The younger still couldn’t register him through the cap that is almost covering his face. Serim smile slyly. 

He looks up and delivers him a very small smirk before pulling the scarf towards him lightly so Woobin’s face is just inches from him. 

The latter yelp in surprise, eyes widened as his cheeks start heating up. He recognizes him, he can never remove the pretty eyes from his mind even though it wasn’t right to do so. 

“Sir, please-,” 

“Can I have your name at least, pretty?” Serim makes sure his eyes are boring into the younger, make sure that he remembers his stares.

“Woobin. It’s Woobin,” Woobin replies meekly, much to his disapproval he still thinks that Serim’s eyes are pretty even in such situations.

He pulls the scarf undone and Woobin scramble trying to cover his bare neck. Serim stands up and leans closer to him after that, his breath fanning over the latter’s ear, “I know what happened to you,” and Woobin swears he shivers.

He then smile and slipped his phone number into the younger’s hand, “If you do not want anything to happen to your brother, or you, contact me and we will settle it down,” 

**_122-XXX-XXXX - serim_ **

Woobin just “Tch,” hands tying the scarf around his neck again and rolled his eyes, _what a creep._ He should have known since the first time that his new neighbour is weird. 

Serim just walked out from the bar. He knows he just did the bare minimum, there’s no way Woobin would contact him like that. But he has a plan in his mind, a very perfect one. 

-

He looked down towards the street from his balcony. It’s raining so the weather is really cold, not helping with how it’s winter season too. It’s almost 3 a.m, and Woobin will be home soon. He made a mental check to stay awake so he could listen to more of their arguments if possible. 

He didn’t know but he felt like he needed to do so, just so he can at least have evidence when he starts to interrogate Hyunbin soon. But not now, it’s too early, it’s only day two of watching. He needs more time, more information. 

The sound of beeping from the front door woke him up from his own dazed. He listens carefully as the lazy tap tap of the younger’s feet moves around the house. It’s getting nearer now, which means he already entered the bedroom, which also happens to be next to Serim’s. Only a thin wall separating them. 

_Bang!_

Eyebrow raised in suspicion, something fell? Or someone fell? He didn’t know. He didn’t hear anything next, only the sound of a faint shower tap still open, breaking the eerie silence. And the next thing he heard made his blood grow cold.

“Do you want me to fucking drown you? Where’s my fucking money?!” 

Serim didn’t know what’s wrong with him but maybe it's just his fight or flight response but he is already standing in front of their house complex, pressing the doorbell. 

  
  


-

  
  


“Hyunbin please calm down-” but he didn’t get to say anything else when the older pull his hair harshly towards the bathroom. 

“I told you I need the money today, and you forgot about it,” Hyunbin spat, already filling the bathtub with water as he did so. 

“I told you I will give it to you tomorrow, I promised,” Woobin is shaking. He is tired and he is cold, it’s not that he isn’t used to this but he is really tired, even the slightest force on him could make him faint, “Bin please, the water is too cold,” 

“Shut up,” He could smell the alcohol from the latter’s breath and clothes, his eyes were empty too. _He is on drugs again._ He knows what his twin brother will do to him. He wanted to run but where else can he go? He couldn’t go anywhere.

At times like this, usually, he would just ask god to save him but this time, his mind wandered to the pretty eyes that he kept vividly in his memory and he never felt the desperation sparks in his guts to ask for help. Justs for once. 

As Hyunbin is busy minding his own business. Woobin made an attempt to run, he was almost halfway in his bedroom, almost succeeding to his phone on the countertop but he was dragged by the collar towards the bathroom, almost choking him in the process, “Where the fuck are you going???” Hyunbin shouted to his face. 

“Please Bin, you can do other things to me, not this please.. please just do something else,” He begged. Eyes watery as he speaks, his body backing up against the wall forcefully as Hyunbin moves closer, trying to run away from the harsh grasp of the older. He didn’t even manage to register anything when Hyunbin dragged him to the bathtub. 

And force his head into the water. 

“When I told you to bring me money, you WILL bring that shit home,” 

Woobin struggles in his hold, his heartbeat beats so fucking fast, he was sure he is sent into shock. He gurgles, accidentally swallowing the water in the process too, mind goes hazy as he couldn’t breathe,

_B-breath, c-cant breath_

He tries to pull the hand that is pushing his head down but all he managed to do was flail around helplessly. He was given a moment to take a deep breath when the older pulled his hair harshly and grip it hard his knuckles turned white. He coughed in his hold weakly, trying to stabilize himself. 

“S-stop, I-I’m s-sor-ry,” he begged shakily, his whole system weakened in his hold. Eyes started to swirl.

_Ding dong._

Hyunbin’s head snapped towards the door, eyes widened in anger, wondering who’s disturbing them at like 3:30 am in the morning. With a groan, he let the latter go and Woobin fell to the floor, laying there cold and shaking as his vision slowly blackened out. 

  
  


-

  
  


_“Hi, I’m Woobin,”_

_Serim looked up, tears still staining his cheeks but he still took a good look at the boy in front of him, 7 years old Serim could only cry more. He is cold, and he is scared._

_Woobin scooted closer and sat next to the older boy, he put his chubby hand on top of Serim’s cold one, squeezing it lightly._

_“What’s your name?” The Woobin boy asked again._

_Serim slowly croaked out, “S-Serim,”_

_“I’m 6 years old,” Woobin said smiling. Serim look at the chubby boy’s face and back again at their hands that are still connecting with each other._

_“I’m your hyung,” Serim said suddenly and Woobin eyes widened in surprise. A small smile was given to him again._

_“Hi, Serim hyung, let’s get along well,”_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see yall on the next chapter! also, i created a cc for anyone to send me anything anonymously (but pls dont send me hates t______t) after all, you can still comment here if you want ^^ and thank you always for reading my works~
> 
> if you want to send me anything on cc, you can send it [here](https://curiouscat.me/crvtywoo)


	3. for eternity, please save me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comeback to me when the time is right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after days~ finally a new chapter! i took so much time writing this and i hope you will like it. there's some small sexual harassment part in this, just some tiny one, i already put a TW before the part. remember to not read if you can't read. some parts involve killing and abusing but it's not too graphic in my opinion. i'm telling you beforehand so you wouldn't be too shock when you reach certain parts, nevertheless i hope you will enjoy this chapter ^^ see yall on the next one

_ “Do you think one day there will be a time when we are going to be apart from each other?”, the younger of the two look beside him, as they lay down under the tree, close to the playground of their elementary school, far from the other kids.  _

_ “We never know what the future will hold, Ruby,” the younger just let out a small laugh as he looked at the features of the 12 year old boy next to him, laughing on how he always has a frown on his face. _

_ “What if one day you suddenly lost the ability to remember me?” Woobin sat up, sitting crossed-leg now, eyes focusing on the older who had his eyes close, only focusing on the rustling of leaves as he listened to the latter.  _

_ “I won’t, you’re my only friend and you only have me,” Serim starts to frown, opening his eyes, he quickly look at the younger with a questionable face, wondering on how and why but Woobin just laughed at him instead, “Stop frowning, I didn’t ask you to imagine it,”  _

_ Serim look at the smaller one again and slowly slipped a small smile towards him.  _

_ “Sorry,”  _

_ Both of them sit up as the bell rings and Woobin quickly snatches Serim’s gameboy in his hand, running with a sly face, “The first one who gets to the cafeteria first can play one round of game from your gameboy!”  _

_ “That’s not fair!” Serim shouted as he followed with a pout, clearly disapproving with how the younger is now laughing while running to the cafeteria.  _

  
  


-

  
  


The faint screeching of sound breaking the silence of the ward room and Woobin woke up, eyes quickly squinting as the bright lights hurt his vision, it swarmed in his eyes like crazy that his head throb badly. 

The dream. It felt oddly familiar. He couldn’t see the face but he can remember the voice, and the name he mentioned in the dream.  _ Serim? That guy?  _ The dream doesn’t feel like a dream, instead it felt like some distant memory but Woobin couldn’t recognize anything in the background of the dream. It seems blurry, only the conversation remains fresh in his head. 

As he tries to decipher the dream, he tries to sit up weakly but there’s someone holding his shoulder, it radiates warmth but there’s a little force as they push him down so he can't move from his original position. His eyes are still a bit blurry, maybe because of how he couldn’t adjust to the lights yet but he could recognize the presence of someone next to him, the all black outfit and the strong smell of wood sage and vanilla. 

“Why-” his eyes widened slightly as he was shocked with how rough his voice sounded. 

Serim stands there close to the bed, blocking the lights with his whole body and Woobin could finally see his face and most importantly the serene warm looking eyes, “Why are you-”

“You were out for two days straight,” Serim cut him off, voice slow but Woobin could hear him clearly. The younger look over to the pole next to him as he realizes how his hand is connected to an iv drip. 

“W-What happened?” He knew something happened and he couldn’t remember well but he remembers seeing the same pair of eyes looking down at him, with worry? With guilt? He couldn’t remember but he remembers fainting in someone’s hold.

“The doctor said you dropped unconscious because of fatigue and your body system could no longer protect you as you overworked yourself, the cold water was your last straw,” 

“Cold water..?” and slowly the memories from that night floods his mind. Oh. 

There’s a pitiful silence, one that is enough to make Woobin shudder from the sudden wave of memories. He hated it, every second of it and most importantly he hated how someone he didn’t even fully know witnessed his lowest point. But a sudden struck of memories shake him in an awaken fear as he snapped his neck to look at the man standing next to his bed, eyes widened in agony as he utter a question,

“Hyunbin, where’s Hyunbin?” There’s a desperation lace in his voice as it waver, eyes darting around to find any belongings of the latter but he couldn’t find any and that’s when he starts to tremble. 

Serim realized that, how the calm body suddenly shakes pitifully. Like a reflex, both of his hands quickly hold the younger’s shoulder, staring deep into his eyes as he says calmly, “He is fine,” His eyebrows furrow with worry, there’s something absolutely wrong with him but he couldn’t care less. Woobin feels like a leaf in his hand, he is too vulnerable and fragile, and Serim wouldn’t dare hurt him in any slightest way, not like this. 

But Woobin knows something is wrong, “I saw you- I saw you knocked him unconscious, what did you do to him? Where did you-” 

The older leaves a heavy sigh, eyes boring into the younger as his lips form a thin line, unable to even form any expressions, clearly pissed with how the latter is still thinking about his abuser.

“Do you even realize that it was his fault that you ended up here?” Serim’s words are sharp, he didn’t even shout but the way it left his mouth made Woobin shakes in his hold, Serim’s hands are pushing the shoulders in his grip against the bed, eyes boring into the younger’s tired, but clearly scared eyes, “Stop thinking about him,” But before Woobin could ask again, Serim fired him a question, one that will always have no definite answer for the younger.

“Answer me, why didn’t you report him?” 

Woobin looked away, he couldn’t face the latter. He knows his eyes could tell anyone that he is lying, “I don’t need to,” 

“Don’t fucking lie to my face, WHY DIDN’T YOU REPORT HIM?” Serim’s face is fuming, hands accidentally gripping the younger a bit too hard, shaking as he tries his best not to crush him. There’s a glint of worry as their eyes locked with each other but Serim’s eyes are masked with his furious look, burning with every word. 

“I-” 

_ Knock. Knock. _

The knocking from the door made Serim let Woobin go, he scrambles to the other side of the bed pretending to look out from the window, as the nurse wheeled in a tray of equipment, “You’re finally awake, Woobin-ssi,” 

Woobin couldn’t focus on the rest of the minor checkup, he kept on staring into the older’s wide shoulders from behind. He couldn’t help but worry as a confusing feeling rested in the pit of his stomach. 

Serim scares him off completely. His demeanor and presence radiates something dark and sorrowful but he couldn’t help but to yearn to his touch, something about him made his knees weak, made him yearn for attention. But most importantly, his cold deadly eyes look like a serene blue sea for Woobin, a pair of eyes he is so used to seeing but he couldn’t remember when and how.

The older left him with the nurse a few minutes later and Woobin is left confused as he stares into the ceiling, he isn’t properly thinking either but he found himself falling asleep trying to remember the pair of warm eyes that seems to be very similar to his neighbour.

  
  


-

  
  


Woobin could already discharge in the evening, the throbbing pain from his head earlier is lessened to only a dull ache, he just grimaces in annoyance with how he once again needs to use his money for something so unnecessary. He was about to pull his credit card when the nurse at the reception stopped him. 

“Your bills are all paid, Woobin-ssi,” she said as he looked at him apologetically.

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Woobin asked, “Who did?” 

“That guy,” The nurse pointed behind him and as he turns around, he is met with none other than the same person from this morning. He just rolls his eyes out of annoyance again and leaves the said guy as he walks towards the hospital entrance to leave the situation at hand. 

“Hey wait, where are you going that fast?” Serim pull the younger’s hand but Woobin snatch it back roughly so Serim tries to match his pace with the younger instead, but it’s no use too because Woobin is still completely ignoring him. 

“Work,” 

“At least eat something first?” Serim tries again.

“I’m busy,” 

“I promised you it won’t be long, just a simple meal, we will eat at my apartment,” 

Woobin looks up to him, he wants to get mad and he wants to push him away with how he is disturbing his own privacy but he is surprised with how Serim looks somewhat calm, his eyes show desperation, sympathy, almost pleading, unlike how it was always settled in a sorrowful blank stare. In a split second, Woobin feels the familiar stares again and he hates it so much, he hates how his guts just told him that it’s okay to follow what your heart wants. That it’s okay to be with someone like Serim, that it’s okay to lean on strangers that you didn’t even completely know yet. 

But even how conflicted he is in the inside, he followed whatever his heart said and that led him to say, “Okay,” 

  
  


-

  
  


The ride home wasn’t as awkward as Woobin thought it would be. It was surprisingly calm and he actually could breath normally for once. Serim is driving next to him, eyes focused on the road as one of his hands grip the steering wheel. There’s so much playing in his mind right now, to that lingering feelings he felt when their eyes met, to that warmth Woobin felt when they got closer, to that feeling of wanting to be saved by him. He couldn’t understand any of it. He couldn’t understand why Serim felt the need to pay for his hospital bills when they knew nothing about each other. 

Woobin didn’t realize he had been staring. He only realizes that when Serim fake a cough, catching the younger’s attention who’s currently boring a hole on the latter’s face. 

“Like what you see?” 

Woobin quickly turned his head to the road in front of him, ears turning crimson, trying to hide his embarrassment. 

“Stop saying nonsense,” 

“Just say it already,” Serim said, eyes still looking at the road, just sometimes he sneaked to look at the passenger seat. 

“Say what?” The younger said coldly. 

“That you started to fall for me,”

And Woobin decided that’s enough conversation with a stranger today. He still thought Serim as one and he knows Serim too is thinking the same way, but does a stranger pay off someone’s bill? He rolls his eyes again, not only he starts to feel that this guy is an extra nuisance, but he is now also in debt with someone he clearly doesn’t know well. 

“Why did you pay for my hospital bills?” Woobin broke the silence again. He couldn’t help it, he wanted an answer. 

“Even if you don’t explain to me, it’s pretty obvious from the way you didn’t even eat,” Serim said simply. He doesn’t know where this courage came from but he is doing great as of now. Seems like everything is moving according to his plan. 

Woobin just rolls his eyes out of annoyance again,  _ not only is he cold, he is also an asshole.  _ He decided to stay silent for the rest of the journey back home. 

  
  


-

  
  


They ate in a comfortable silence and Serim even helped the younger settle down with his stuff in his own apartment. They didn't really initiate any conversation but Woobin isn't objecting either so that's why he still helps him with stuff before leaving. There was a desperate look from Woobin, as if quietly saying "Comeback to me when the time is right," but the younger shrugged the look off and send Serim to the door with a quiet goodbye. 

Serim left the apartment complex with a heavy heart but he couldn't stay longer with him too, it would be too suspicious. As his mind still wandered to the younger, it didn't take him long when he arrived at the secluded bar, it's a place where people like him and Allen meet, a place to unwind as what they always called but what is there to unwind?? Serim hates this place, it’s absurd in his opinion, he is only here when Allen is there. They didn't particularly agree to meet but Allen is always here around midnight, on a perfect Friday. 

So here he is right now, slipping in between the vast amount of people and sitting on a stool next to the latter. 

As if acknowledging his presence, his lazy eyes turn to look at his side, a question followed after, “So, what are you planning to do this time around?”, eyebrows raised slightly, “I thought you like to finish up your work fast?” the latter continue, sipping the sazerac in his hand later on, back leaning against the counter. 

Serim just chuckled as he down the alcohol shot in his hand. He look at Allen, “There’s something interesting about this guy,” 

“You know it’s not a good thing to drag time,” Allen said again and Serim just looked at him with a knowing look. He knows, everyone knows. 

The latter shot him a look again, Serim couldn't pinpoint what was that but he let it slide,  _ maybe Allen is just having a bad day _ . Allen got up from the stool and looked at Serim one last time, “Just don’t do anything that you will regret later,” he said.

“Whatever you’re thinking right now, believe me it’s not any of that,” Serim replies and Allen just sigh, didn’t really know how he could response, sipping the alcoholic drink in his hand one last time. 

“Just- don’t die, Serim,” 

And Serim smiles again, downing another shot of alcohol into his body system, he closes his eyes, 

“I won’t,” 

Allen just walk out of the bar with a sigh, phone against his ear as he mutter a sentence under his breath, "He doesn't remember anything, sir"

  
  


-

It's the fourth day since that incident. Hyunbin is nowhere to be found too, it’s like he is suddenly gone, to the public eye and to Woobin. But to Serim, he is fine, alive but not breathing that well. 

Serim walk into the dark place, secluded far inside a forest no one knows exist, you would usually see in movies when hitmen starts to do their mission, either far away from people or silently. Serim chose the first one because his victim today is worth torture before killing. Screams of agony is like a pleasure for Serim, it’s sick but it satisfies him in the most pleasurable way and most importantly, his job will still be done at the end of the day, it’s his own choice to let his victim suffer from their death or not. 

As he stepped into the secluded store room, he could hear whimpers and muffled cries. A smirk of satisfaction left his lips as he walked closer to the locked door. He starts to unlock the big chains and every drop of the chains is followed by loud cries from the inside. His chest swells in pride, knowing how much his victim is suffering, it sends him weird shivers. 

He opens the door and the first thing that greets him is the pungent smell of blood and bile. And of course, his sacrificial lamb for tonight. 

Moon Hyunbin.

-

Serim kneel in front of the weak guy, who’s still struggling with hands and legs bind onto the chair and he push the chin up so he could stare at the empty eyes in front of him, “Are you dying?” 

Hyunbin just whimper weakly, he is trying to say something but Serim block his mouth with clothes, he is immobile, and he can’t even talk. The only thing he can do, is to watch. To watch every single thing Serim is about to do to him tonight. 

“Now now, I would like to hear some of your stories before I kill you off so let’s remove this clothe from you,” Serim said softly, eyes twinkling as he watch the body in front of him shudder in complete fear as Serim gets closer to him. He starts to flinch when Serim laid his hands on top of the cold sweaty skin, trying to back away from his touch. 

As his mouth is free from the cloth, the first thing Hyunbin did was to spit out the saliva hanging in his mouth, earning a chuckle from Serim as the latter looked at him with a devilish stare. Breathing haggardly, he tries to free himself again but Serim is quick to send the guy a wave of punch, lands on his stomach perfectly. Hyunbin could just duck his body in complete shock. 

“F-fuck you,” He says after a while, weak eyes still staring at Serim with so much hatred.

“Stop staring at me like you haven’t done the same thing to your brother,” Serim chuckles. 

“All of this- for Woobin? You will kill me because of that asshole?” 

Serim move forward, fingers flying to drag the root of Hyunbin’s hair, he pulled it backward, hard as he whispers next to the latter’s ears, “Think about all the abuse you did to him, isn’t this just a small matter? You starve him sometimes too, you punch him following your own likings, and do everything unthinkable to him just because you think you were protecting him,” 

“You don’t even know what he did-” 

“Yes I don’t, and I want to know about it from you,” Serim pulls a chair and sit in front of Hyunbin. There’s an eerie smile given from Serim and Hyunbin tries so hard to not feel affected under that stare,

“Or would you rather scream in pain while you tell me those?” Serim pulls up a knife, a really small one,

“What will you do-” 

“You have 20 fingernails, 10 from your fingers, another 10 from your feet, I think it’s enough to complete a whole story,” Hyunbin’s eyes widen in shock as he wasn’t even given a chance to object when the knife in Serim’s hand is already dancing on the latter’s flesh, digging in deep. Crimson blood splayed around and there’s a wicked smile on Serim’s face, a smile of satisfaction as he watched Hyunbin groan in pain. 

“FUCK FUCK OKAY, I WILL- I WILL TELL YOU!” 

Serim’s expert hand stops cutting halfway and he smirks in delight seeing the face in front of him grimacing trying so hard to suppress the pain he is feeling, “Good,” Serim scoot closer this time, the small knife playing with the flesh of Hyunbin’s thigh. 

“Go on, talk,” the latter hesitate for a while but his eyes were shaking with every drag of knife on his thigh, closing his eyes, he let out a shaky breath, as he starts to talk,

“It- It happened so suddenly, one second we were doing our homework, and the next second he was already holding a knife, covered in blood while he stood there, not knowing what to do…”

_ “Father, t-this is my grades,” his hand couldn’t stop shaking even how much he wanted to stay calm as he handed the report card to his dad. His eyes were hopeful as he stared at his father’s face. But the disappointed look given from him already made him shuddered, knees going weak as he automatically kneel in front of him, eyes staring at the wooden floor beneath him as silent cries leave his mouth. With tears still cascading, he begged him, hands found their purchase on the old man’s work pants,  _

_ “Dad, please forgive me, I will study harder, I promised-”  _

_ “You said this so many times but you’re still the same, you still aren’t becoming Hyunbin, I wanted straight As not even one B but look at your grades, it’s so fucking ugly, look at the amount of B here, are you proud of this??? Answer me!! What are you going to do with this fucking grades???”  _

_ Woobin’s body flinches so hard he automatically ducks down when he could see a hand flying across the room. He was ready to feel the first slap on the cheeks but it never came, instead what unfolds in front of his eyes is his brother, holding their father’s arm, preventing him from hitting him any further. _

_ “Father please stop hitting Woobin, he studied so hard, I witnessed his hard work every single day, can you let it slide for once?” Hyunbin begged. This was his first time, he couldn’t handle the cries of his brother anymore not when Woobin starved himself just to study so he could reach their father’s expectations. Not when the younger even sleeps with books in his hand.  _

_ “Since when did you-”  _

_ “Since the very start dad, you have always been biased towards me. I know I am a bright student but Woobin isn’t useless, there’s so much more that he can do,”  _

_ But instead of hopeful eyes staring at him, Hyunbin is met with a panic and scared eyes as the younger shakes his head, mouthing a “No,” weakly.  _

_ Before Hyunbin could even register what was happening, his father’s hand is already wrapped around his throat, pushing him against the sofa and Woobin is panicking. _

_ “No! No, dad! Dad please please scold me instead, Hyunbin did nothing, he have always been your favorite son, please stop-”  _

_ “Shut the fuck up useless bitch,” a hit was given right across his temple and Woobin falls back onto the floor with a thud, head flailing around, he couldn’t register what he was hit with but he could something wet flowing across his face.  _

_ Hyunbin’s face is already turning blue so Woobin jumped on his father with a second attempt to stop him, “Please stop dad, please stop choking Hyunbin,” he begged, tears leaving his eyes as he held his father’s rough hand, trying as hard as he can but the next thing his father did shocked him so much, eyes widened in fear and disgust.  _

**_TW: sexual harassment_ **

_ He is right now on top of Woobin, caging the smaller beneath him. Woobin could feel the heavy weight on top of him and his brain started to connect two and two together, shaking him in fear. "Since you don't know how to shut up, how about I shut you up with this," The younger starts to hyperventilate, eyes blurred as his breathing starts turning irregular, he could feel the hand moving down to his own zipper and a tear left his eyes. He is scared and he is trapped and no one can save him.  _

_ But suddenly the weight on top of him is gone, with a blink of an eye, he saw his father laid down on the floor unconscious. Someone pulled his hand and as he looked up, he saw his brother. There’s dried tears on his face as he pulled the latter into a hug and Woobin just stood there, not knowing what to say.  _

_ His sadness and anger turned into remorse as he pushed Hyunbin away and ran to the kitchen, holding a knife in his hand. Before Hyunbin could even stop him, Woobin is already stabbing the knife in his hand into their father’s unconscious body.  _

_ One. “For destroying my life,” _

_ Two. “For chasing Serim hyung away.” _

_ Three. “For killing me inside,” _

_ Four. “For breathing,”  _

_ He dropped the knife as his hands shook pitifully, tears flowing down his cheeks, in remorse, in sadness, in anger, he didn't know but he felt empty. His legs started to fail on him and he dropped to the floor.  _

_ “... I killed him,”  _

_ And Hyunbin could just hug the younger’s shaking body as both of them cried in the middle of the living room. There’s blood on their hands, there’s blood everywhere.  _

Hyunbin stop midway and Serim is getting frustrated, “And this still doesn’t explained on WHY you abused him the way you like it???” 

For once, Serim could see regret on Hyunbin’s face as he looked down to the floor. 

“Woobin was everyone’s favorite, he was perfect before dad came. I saw him sometimes when we were in middle school, he was always with him, the boy with serene warm eyes.” It came out like a whisper but Serim still listened closely. 

“When we started living together, we were fine but dad is always there to destroy everything. Including his dreams and his mother,” 

“A week after dad’s funeral, people started talking about how we are the reason why dad died, it’s true. But mom registered his death as suicide. She came back home crying that day, as she lost herself she lost both of us too. We didn’t talk because mom knew all along she married off someone who abused her own son, she couldn’t do anything to save Woobin before, two weeks after dad’s funeral, mom took her own life.” 

Serim is left speechless. There's a drop of tears from the latter now as he continues “We were 20 when we moved out from that hell, I tried looking for jobs but as years passed I just couldn’t get any. As someone older than him, I want to be responsible and I was scared. I was scared if someone will touch him the way dad did before.”

“But eventually, my protectiveness turned to abuse, my unemployment turned to gambling, and instead of protecting him, I hurt him instead,” 

Serim held the latter’s collar, pulling his face closer to him, “Why? Why didn’t you get your shit together? He did NOTHING WRONG!” 

Serim punched him again, he didn’t remember how many punches he delivered but Hyunbin looked like a pulp when Serim stopped. 

“H-he didn’t report me because he was afraid,” blood leaves his mouth as he talked, “-he was afraid if I tell the police the truth about what happened years ago-” 

Serim move behind him, dragging the hair in between his fingers again and pulling it backward, baring the latter’s neck for his view. Knife dancing against the pale neck and Hyunbin could just stare at him with regretful eyes. 

“It’s time to see you off,” Serim said simply. 

But before he could cut the two veins, Hyunbin held his hand weakly, “He never hated you, Serim,” and Serim’s hand stopped moving, staring at the latter who was dying below him with so many questions. But before he could even ask anything, Hyunbin forced the unmoving hand to slide off the veins on his neck. 

There was a confused look on Serim’s face as he watched the blood gushes out like rainfall from the latter’s neck as he shook for a short while, breathing shallowly. 

He saw Hyunbin’s mouth moving and even with remorse, he leaned closer, trying to catch what the latter said. 

_ “Tell Woobin that I’m sorry,”  _

  
  


-

Serim disposed Hyunbin’s body in the incinerator. There wasn’t regret, just empty. It’s what he always felt whenever he succeeded in his mission. There’s this hollow feeling resting in the pit of his stomach everytime he does it but Serim ignores it. 

Before he went home, he dropped by to the bar the younger one worked in and sighs to see how he is still working. His mind went back to what Hyunbin said and with that Serim left the bar, wouldn’t dare to meet Woobin yet. 

  
  


-

  
  


Woobin feels like he is living in a dream, it has been a whole week but Hyunbin is nowhere to be found and he never felt the slight need to search for him around. At times, he couldn’t help but shudder in fear, knowing anytime soon, anything could happen. Hyunbin holds his biggest secret, and that’s the only thing that is holding him down these whole time. But sometimes, he got sad too, thinking how Hyunbin could have gone and it’s once again his fault. Chasing people away out of his life. 

Who was once a perfect twin brother he could ask for turned violence because of him. He couldn’t get out of the toxic relationship too, because Hyunbin would treat him differently the next day, acting like all the abuse never happened. Woobin couldn’t run away but for now the only thing that’s holding him down is his own fear and his darkest memories that came when he is alone at night.

But that’s also the start of something with Serim. Somehow, in those empty spaces Woobin craved to be filled, Serim is there. 

-

“Woobin, wake up. Woobin!” Serim slap the cheeks lightly as the latter cries in his sleep, every little whine and scream from him break Serim inside. The only thing to stop him is to wake him up. 

The scared eyes widened in agony as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks like rivulets, hands fumbling around anything that he could reach. Serim let him, he wouldn’t dare stop the younger from searching for warmth, especially at a time like this. Woobin croaked out a loud cry as he could feel Serim’s large hand rub his back slowly as he rocked him on the bed. Serim asked Woobin to spend the night there during the weekend. At first, the younger refused, giving him so many excuses but somehow he found himself running to Serim’s embrace during his darkest time. 

Just like right now, as he calms himself down, trying to gain back his breathing, stopping himself from hyperventilating. 

“Are you alright?” Serim carefully ask. The younger just nodded, forehead resting against the older’s shoulder, sighing. 

“Why are you doing this?” 

**_“Why are you still here?”_ **

Serim only stares at the messy brown hair in front of him. As he listens to the question Woobin uttered to him, another question replayed in his mind.

“After you watched me breaking down like this, after you see the lowest point of my life, after I tried my very best to throw you away, why are you still here?” 

**_“After watching how I just deteriorated in front of you, after I gave you so many excuses, after being difficult that everyone else left me, why are you still here?”_ ** __

“You could’ve just leave me alone Serim.”

**_“Why didn’t you just leave me alone, Serim hyung?”_ **

Serim could just hug the younger, rubbing soothing circle on his back as he pondered. Every question given by Woobin, sounded so similar. He could even remember it just like the back of his hand.  _ But when did I hear all of these? _

He didn’t realized it but Woobin slowly fell asleep back in his hand a few seconds later and Serim help to tuck him to bed again. Sitting on the chair next to the bed, he just stares into the younger’s face, he looks tired, empty even, even in his sleep he looks like he is suffering through unimaginable pain.

“I don’t want you to suffer anymore,” he said softly, running his hand through the sweaty bangs, letting the younger’s forehead breathe.

_ “Tell Woobin that I’m sorry,”  _

He hasn’t told the younger yet about this. Let alone telling him how his brother died. He registered Hyunbin’s death as suicide, contacted their family’s attorney who clearly sound uninterested about the twin’s life anymore. He felt bad that he is doing this because somehow in those days when Hyunbin isn’t back, he could feel how Woobin misses him around and that’s sick because he wasn’t supposed to miss him. 

But he is still Woobin’s twin brother, and Woobin still has a small ounce of sympathy for him even after what Hyunbin had done to him. 

His mind went back to the night he killed Hyunbin off, it’s fresh in his mind, the way Hyunbin said the younger never hated him but it doesn’t make sense because they never met before. And why did Hyunbin act like he knows Serim like the back of his hand. Why, How, When. There’s so many questions in Serim’s head and he wishes he could solve the puzzle in his brain right away. 

_ Seo Woobin, who are you? Why are you so familiar..  _

  
  


-

  
  


_ “Hey Ruby, why are you being so difficult these days?” Serim looks at those empty eyes, it’s not the first time he sees the younger like that. In fact, it has been a while, and it keeps on getting worse everyday.  _

_ “Are you even listening?” Serim waves his hand in front of him and Woobin just sighs, getting uninterested.  _

_ “Stop this,” he said and Serim raised one of his eyebrows in question.  _

_ “Stop what?”  _

_ “This.” Woobin’s hand made a gesture of everything around him and pointed to Serim next.  _

_ “Why are you still here?”  _

_ “After watching how I just deteriorated in front of you, after I gave you so many excuses, after being difficult that everyone else left me, but why are you still here?” Woobin asks. His hands trembled in his hold and Serim realized that.  _

_ He wanted to hold those hands, and keep it warm but, “Why didn’t you just leave me alone?” Woobin asks again, there’s no tears, there’s no smile either. It’s just empty stares. _

_ “What are you saying Ruby?”  _

_ “I’m leaving this place,” the younger said again, and Serim thought he was joking but Woobin was staring straight into his eyes and there’s no lie detected.  _

_ “W-wait, why? Why so suddenly? You told me we are going to the same high school,” Serim was about to pull the younger’s hand when Woobin push those hand away, _

_ “Don’t touch me,” and Serim was surprised to see a disgusted look on Woobin’s face.  _

_ “Let’s not talk to each other anymore,” Woobin was about to walk away when Serim push him against the wall of the hallway, _

_ “No, you can’t just go, let me know what happened?” Serim asked, his eyes were confused, not used to seeing Woobin so… empty. _

_ “I just decided that being your friend was a wrong choice, plus you don’t have a mother, you feed on other people’s money, you can’t forever rely on me-” _

_ Serim didn’t realize what happened but his heart burned so much, and the next thing he knew he was punching the life out of the younger and Woobin just let him be as he lay there, accepting every punch.  _

_ “I never ask for even a penny Ruby, I NEVER ASK, and if I could give you back all your dirty money, I FUCKING WOULD, should’ve just done this earlier huh? Fuck you and all your empty promises,”  _

_ Woobin just lays there as he tries to regain his breathing, Serim’s punches hurt so much but his heart hurts a lot more. But Serim still held onto one last string of thread as he swallowed the bitterness in his throat, holding the younger’s shoulder.  _

_ “Tell me. Tell me this is because of someone Ruby, tell me this is because someone asked you to forget me,” he mutters under his breath and Woobin is trying so hard to not cry as he pushed Serim’s hand from his body.  _

_ “I hate you, I hate every moment I had with you,”  _

_ He thought that the day when Serim started hating him would be the last straw, but he is here, staring at the older’s eyes who starts to water, he never thought he could see that look from Serim. The dejected look, the disappointed look.  _

_ “You stayed with me because no one else wanted to befriend you. I hope the next time you befriend someone, they will regret it too, just like how I did now, let’s not meet each other anymore,” Serim said before leaving the younger without glancing back.  _

_ And Woobin wanted to scream to Serim, to please save him and to please forgive him. He didn't mean anything he said but he just stood there, crying silently, tears leaving his eyes but he wiped it harshly. He watched as Serim’s presence quickly left his eyesight, tears left his eyes again and it gradually blurred down to only a distant memory. _

_ “I’m sorry hyung,”  _


	4. i'll be here for you (just like how you’re here for me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everything is going to be alright,” he said softly, “Just like what you told me, I’ll be here for you just like how you’re here for me,” he continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!! I finally updated this t_____t I had a major writer block in february :((( so I couldn't write anything at all but hey as soon as march came, my writer block is gone and the second last chapter is finally here. I hope yall will love reading this chapter as much as I love writing it too <3 This has 10k words and its realllllllllllyyyyyyyy long but hey, I hope you will enjoy the ride. See you on the last chapter <3 and I'm always thankful to the people who read my works, I love yall so much!! <3

_ Serim pull up his hoodie, clammy hand holding the worn out bag, walking along the street tiredly. Head throbbing so hard he couldn’t even walk properly, after what happened today he seems to be lost, not knowing who to trust, who to lean on.  _

_ The night breeze hit his skin roughly and he shuddered under his breath. It’s cold but he is aware that he isn’t trembling because of it. As he stopped walking, his heart started thumping louder, he could even hear himself clearly, his body started to tremble even more as he looked at the place in front of him. He dreaded this place, so much he couldn’t fathom the right word for it but this is his last solution and he couldn’t turn back.  _

_ Hiding his face even more, he tried to get in between the people who’s flocking in front of the entrance, with hope the bouncer will miss his presence and getting into the bar with ease but one of them caught him, harshly grabbing him around his collar as they asked him,  _

_ “You’re a middle schooler aren’t you?”, the bouncer was almost choking him in the process he needed to struggle for them to let him go.  _

_ A frustrated sigh was delivered after and Serim look straight into his eyes, coldly saying, “I’m looking for someone here,”  _

_ “Do you even know what this place is for?” they asked him again but before he could answer them, the person Serim was looking for stepped into the entrance making him suck his breath in sharply, too shocked to see someone he hasn’t met in years in front of him.  _

_ “F-father..”  _

_ The older man had a confused face at first but it gradually grew into a knowing smile, “Ahh, I see you got my memo,” there’s a devilish smile, a smile so hard for 15 years old Serim to decipher. "You grew up well, son"  _

_ “Let him go and usher him to my office,”  _

_ - _

Serim walk into the place with ease, there is of course the same unsettling feeling whenever he stepped into this place. It’s something he always tries to throw away but couldn’t. Even how hard he tried, it seems like that’s the only memory about this place that he had and it’s not even a good memory. 

“Serim?” he was startled but his eyes quickly fixed back to its original calming demeanor. 

“You’re early today. I thought I wouldn’t get to see you until it’s midnight at least.” the man in front of him said with a small smile, “Well, get in, I have some question to ask you,” 

“Yes sir,” 

Carefully walking into the office, not knowing the question his boss will ask him would intrigued something inside him. He was never scared of staring straight into his superior’s eyes so he did just that, even how sometimes he found him intimidating. 

“So, let’s get this straight, what are you planning to do with Seo Woobin?” Upon hearing his name, Serim's cold eyes tremble a bit, but he knows well to not let the person in front of him get any weird idea, he can't let him know his true intentions. There was a crippling silence before Serim answers him.

“I will try to get closer to him,” Serim said, eyes never changing with demeanor, “and kill him when the time is right,” 

A smirk was delivered next and Serim is just staring, trying to decipher the meaning behind it, there’s a long silence before his boss continue, “Are you sure it’s not because there’s something that is triggering you?” 

His eyes widened slightly, but quickly he composes himself, “Nothing like that sir,” 

“I  **want** this to be done by next month,” 

Serim only stares at him, he felt kinda threatened but he also felt that he is being challenged, and a part of him felt burdened, because he was supposed to focus on his only work, but something is distracting him and he needs answers for that. He just wanted to play around but it turns out more than that now as he gets deeper and deeper. 

“Yes, sir.” his boss only looked at him with a knowing smile on his face. 

“Good. You may go now.” He quickly gets on his two feet, bowing to his superior, before leaving with a bitter feeling. He was about to reach the doorknob when his boss suddenly say, 

“You know I do know what you’re feeling and what you’re thinking right, Serim? I didn’t shape you to be the best version of myself for fun. I expect the best from you, no matter what it takes. Alright,  **son** ?” 

The hand that is holding the door knob shakes a little, he stands like a statue for a hot minute, before swallowing a lump of saliva down his dry throat, 

“Yes, father.” 

-

Woobin woke up sweating as he once again was woken up with a nightmare. He tries to remember the bad dream every single time but the nightmare fades as he wakes up so he had no other choice but to suffer through it every night. This happened since Hyunbin left and he hated how his body was suffering every night when it was supposed to be happy. 

He leans against the headboard and looks around, surprised to see there’s no presence of Serim for once after a while. 

It may sound funny but Serim has been with him ever since the day Hyunbin is gone. He had told him several times during the first few days that he can handle living alone, he isn’t a kid and he knows how to take care of himself but Serim is a hard headed person and he is tired trying to stop the older from getting into his personal life. Somehow, he gets used to it even if they only see each other in such a short time. 

Walking towards the bathroom, he was about to take a shower to get ready for the morning class for the day but his phone suddenly rang. 

Lazily taking the phone, he expected it was Serim or Jungmo at least but the number is an unknown number and anxiousness starts to creep inside him, because it could be Hyunbin or it could be someone else who calls on behalf of Hyunbin. 

“Hello, Seo Woobin speaking,” but he prys the anxiousness away, after all, he needed to know where Hyunbin went. 

There was a silence before someone replied, “Seo Woobin-ssi? Moon Hyunbin’s step-brother?”

His heart starts to thump loudly, he doesn't like where this is heading, “Yes, speaking.” 

“I’m your family’s lawyer, I am sorry to relay you this message like this but Hyunbin passed away 3 days ago in a hotel he stayed before his last day,” 

His phone slipped from his hand, tears started to build up as he cupped his mouth, feeling sick to his stomach. It reminded him of those days, those memories that he put at the back of his mind. His breathing starts to turn irregular, eyes getting cloudy as he couldn’t believe what he just heard. He was sure he could see this coming but right now he couldn’t understand why,  _ Hyunbin-ah, you promised me..  _

“We need you to come for his will since it was stated here in his document- Hello Woobin-ssi?? Hello?” He heard the other line in the phone call asking for him to answer them but he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think let alone speak. 

Leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door, he slowly dropped to a sitting position, hugging his legs as he did, remorse flowing throughout his body, he felt nothing but a disappointment. 

“Did you leave me because I’m a burden too?” He didn’t know to whom he was asking that but his heart is breaking into tiny little pieces. His mind just trails off, eyes letting out desperate tears. Full of disappointment, remorse, regret. He couldn’t believe history just repeated itself right in front of his eyes, but now without no one beside him to calm him down. 

“Mom too, dad too.. Hyunbin too..,” as he closed down on himself like that, he didn't realize he slowly crawled into the darkness he once put himself into. 

He feels like he is building a wall, trapping himself inside a 4 x 4 square concrete wall, dark and alone. He is scared, minutes pass and he still can't breathe, he feels like someone is pushing him down into the water, and he wants to hurt himself so bad in order to remind him this is just a bad dream, a nightmare he faces everyday. 

But before he could do so, he saw a light at the end of the dark room that he built in his mind. 

He felt someone shake his body and the creeping darkness went away in a second, replacing it with his own bedroom instead as he tried to breathe. His blurry eyes registering a fragment in front of him, and the next thing he knows he is wrapped in someone’s arm, irregular breathing turning normal, heartbeats slowing down to match the one he could hear right now. 

“I won’t go anywhere Woobin, I swear,” 

The voice reminded him of someone, someone who also left him just like how mom, dad and Hyunbin did. 

-

Serim hold the trembling body in his arms and slowly rock the sobbing man below him. He is scared but not because of what he did, but because he didn’t know it could hurt someone this severe when they lose someone. Serim didn’t remember the last time his heart felt like this towards someone, he didn’t remember feeling sad seeing people crying over someone’s death. But right now, his heart is breaking, constricted badly as he watches Woobin crying so hard in his hold. It hurts him more than he thought it could. 

“I’m sorry I left you,” he said slowly as Woobin started to calm down, only soft hiccups could be heard, his hand still tightly holding Serim’s shirt.

“I need to visit my family’s lawyer,” Woobin says slowly, still having his head buried deep into Serim’s neck. 

Serim didn’t want to ask for why, because he knew it would hurt the younger more but Woobin detached himself from Serim, eyes finding the older’s. And Serim didn’t know what the younger is trying to tell him but he looks miserable, so loss, “What happened Woobin?” he still asks even if he knows the answer and he can't help but to bite his lips watching how Woobin tried so hard to stop his tears from falling in front of him. 

Woobin smiles in pain, he didn't know if he was supposed to feel happy or sad so right now here he is, smiling despite the pain he is feeling, there’s tears flowing down too, as he told Serim what the older already knew, “Hyunbin is gone,” 

-

  
  


Serim tries to remember everything that he had done that night and almost everything is already settled except for the documentation part, he forgot to ask them about it and this turns out a bit complicated as he thought Hyunbin wouldn't left Woobin anything, but he is wrong. 

Hyunbin actually left Woobin a Will. After Woobin’s panic attack episode from last night, they called the unknown number back to settle with legal properties and to hold a meetup to pass the will to the younger. Serim pretends he didn’t know anything but it was hard, so hard to mask how much pain he is feeling watching how Woobin deteriorates in front of him. 

He is currently sitting at the law firm lobby, watching how Woobin just stares into the empty space in front of him. 

“Hey, how did it go?” Serim slowly asks and the younger just delivers him a faint smile, "He didn't state my name in the legal siblings part, no wonder none of the authorities called me for his body, or at least before he was cremated." 

Serim fell silent. He is sorry and this is the first time in his entire life feeling sorry for killing someone. 

“He overdosed over drugs,” Woobin said, it was slow like he doesn’t want anyone else to hear but Serim, “not that I didn’t see this coming, I do but I thought if I focus on actually taking care of him too I-” 

Serim slowly slipped his hand and hold the trembling one on the table, “He abused you Woobie, you have all the rights to just let him go on his own way,” 

“I know but-” there is a pained expression on his face so Serim cut his word, and repeated his question that has always been haunting him ever since, “Why are you still defending him-”

But before he could even finish his question, Woobin pulled his hand away roughly.

“You don’t understand! Alright? You don’t. Hyunbin and I, we lived together for a few years Serim and you weren’t even a part of my life until a month ago so please stop talking as if you know me or Hyunbin well, you don’t.” Woobin snapped at him, eyes glassy with tears but Serim could see how much anger was radiating behind that glassy eyes. 

He left the older alone in the lobby, and Serim was about to follow him but he stopped himself, knowing he wouldn’t be any help. So, he let the younger calm himself down first. He could still see Woobin outside of the law firm building, leaning against the glass door, composing himself. 

-

Woobin watch as Serim walk out of the law firm after a few minutes, he is still a bit mad but he knows he shouldn’t let out his anger at Serim. The older knows nothing and it isn’t his fault for actually wanting to help him go through things. Partially it’s his own fault, for trusting too much. 

As Serim stands next to him, he lit up a cigarette and Woobin just stares ahead of him, smelling the burnt ashes. 

“I didn’t know you smoke,” Woobin said and the older chuckles softly. 

“Well, I don’t,” Woobin lifted one of his eyebrows, a confused face replacing his mellow one. 

“I only do it to kill the sour mood and to look cool,” Serim said after a while and Woobin can’t help but to roll his eyes, a small smile creeps on his face as he shakes his head.

“You’re really useless,” he says. 

“At least I’m still here with you,” 

Woobin only smiles at that word because he knows he can’t go through these things alone, it’s weird how he felt comfortable with him because even Jungmo had a hard time approaching him back then when he started working as a music teacher. He didn’t want to let Serim know how comfortable he felt with him because he is scared. Even if Serim felt close to his heart, he is nothing but a stranger to Woobin. He didn't know anything, not a single thing. 

“Where should we go next?” Serim stomp on the still lit cigarette while asking him. 

Woobin only looks up, a sigh left his lips as he closes his eyes, “Gwangju.” 

-

  
  


“Is Gwangju your hometown, Woobin?” 

The younger only nods as an answer, his mind is too preoccupied with things, he didn’t tell Serim the purpose they are going to Gwangju either but he knows he will have to go through so many past memories when they arrive soon and none of them were good. The reason they left Gwangju is still clear in his mind but he has no ability to remember the bigger part of it. 

Hyunbin’s Will. He still has the copy of it, and even how many times he read through it he couldn’t understand the reason why, there's so much confusion upon reading it, it's like someone else wrote that on behalf of him. 

**_" … please don't be too shocked, this was the few days I felt sober and not controlled by the drugs I always put into my system, so all my words in this Will came from my sober mind._ **

**_I leave the house to you, after all you're the only one I have left so whatever belongings I have left you can take it with you. But if you don't want to see any trace of myself anymore, I just hope you will leave my belongings back in our hometown, or burn it. But I have something else I want you to do there._ **

**_I know this seems evil of me to ask for you to go back to that hell, but I promised you this will be your first and the last time. I want you to get rid of me the right way. Do that, at least I know you won't live your life stuck with my shadows anymore._ **

**_I didn't mean it to be this way, and I'm sorry for what I've done to you, I couldn't turn back time, writing this finally allows me to be transparent to you. For all these times, I never meant to hurt you but it seems that way now and everyday I just think I deserve to die, so if you're reading this, please know that, I don't have any remorse towards you, if I'm gone it's because I choose that way. I'm sorry for not becoming the person you thought I would be and please don't forgive me, you deserve to hate me, it's okay to hate me._ **

**_Before I end this, this is what I want to initially tell, I want you to know that you still have someone you can rely on. I know you miss him too and I know you had blocked your memories from remembering him too Woobin but I know you need him._ **

**_Park Serim._ **

**_Find him, you will not remember him at first but you will remember everything if you go back to our hometown. I leave some of your old belongings there, go through it. But, I’m not forcing you, this is a choice and it’s up to you to choose._ **

**_I love you and I’m sorry._ **

**_Goodbye Woobin."_ **

.. Serim?? He looks next to him and Serim is driving calmly. Is the Serim Hyunbin mentioned, the same person next to him?  _ There could be thousands other people with the same name it can't be.  _

Even how hard he tried to remember any memories with the Serim guy Hyunbin mentioned in his letter, he didn't have any slight idea who he was. The only Serim he knows is the older guy next to him, the only memories he had is his current memories with Serim next to him and he can't help but let out a small smile. 

"Why are you staring again Woobin? Am I handsome?" the older asks him, there's a faint smile on his face and Woobin just chuckles softly. 

"Yeah," his reply is short and Serim can't help but widen his eyes, couldn't believe what he heard just now. 

He wanted to ask but Woobin is already scooting into a fetal position, closing his eyes on the passenger seat while facing the older who’s driving, "You can't avoid me like that," Serim says, pouting a little as he already make sure the younger didn't see his pout. 

There's a small smile on Woobin's face as he answers him with his eyes close, "I can," He snuggles his body more and Serim can't help but slowly reach out his hand to touch the soft bangs, and there's a warm blush on Woobin's face as the older ruffles the soft hair in his hold as Woobin falls into dreamland. 

-

The village looks empty and Serim can’t help but to feel like he had been here before. It’s already night time since the journey took them hours from Seoul. He had try to ask Woobin about his hometown but the only answers he got was just, “It’s a place I grew up and it’s a place I don’t want to revisit ever again after today,” 

They passed a school and it was a middle school. Somehow while Serim was driving, his head started to throb so bad but he didn’t fidget because he didn't want Woobin to worry about him. He looked at the front gate of the middle school again and his eyes started to twitch making him stop driving as his head started to throb again. 

“Serim? Is everything okay?” Woobin asks next to him, panicking. 

“Yeah, just- my head hurts so much, it’s like a migraine suddenly attacking me,” Serim said, resting his head against the steering wheel. 

“Let me drive,” Woobin volunteered. His hand moving to the back of Serim’s neck, massaging the stiff neck, “You can rest for a bit, I will also drive us to the hotel later,” he continued. 

Serim was about to object but Woobin said no, it wasn’t a question, it was an order. Serim only chuckles softly as Woobin forces him to the passenger seat. He looks at the younger as he starts driving, there’s a smile on his face as he watches how the younger navigate through the road with his serious face when suddenly a memory appears at the back of his mind, making him frown. 

**_“Where do you want to bring me when we are out of town soon?”_** As if he is watching a movie played on a screen, he saw a younger version of Woobin on the driver seat, looking at him as he played around with the steering wheel. 

**_“Wherever you want,”_** He was startled when he could hear voices coming from himself. 

**_“Hyung, what are you gonna do for your 14th birthday this year?”_** Serim only realizes that he is actually watching someone’s memory unfold in front of his eyes but it surprises him more as he looks at the window’s reflection.

**_“Hmmm, what about going to the theme park?”_** It’s him when he was 14. 

The memory fades as someone shakes his body awake and as he opens his eyes, Woobin is in front of him, looking at him with worry. 

“You’re sweating so much, I lowered the AC temperature so you can be more comfortable but you even frowned in your sleep, are you alright? We can continue this tomorrow if you’re not okay,” Woobin said. 

Serim who’s still confused looks at the younger with a questionable face, can’t help but frown even more, “I think…. I’m just tired because of the driving.. I’m okay though, let’s settle it tonight and rest after this,” he smiled to the younger but Woobin is still looking at him worriedly. 

“If you say so.. We actually already arrived,” the younger look at the front and Serim follows him after to see a 2-storey terrace house, already grown old and abandoned. He was about to get out of the car when another wave of memories hit him.

**_“Mrs. Seo!!”_ ** _ a middle-aged woman appeared in front of the gate with a smile on her face. _

**_“Serim? Ahh, Woobin is already done packing, I will let him know that you’re already here, wait for a bit okay?”_ ** __

**_“Woobin!! Your boyfriend-”_ **

**_“Mom!!! He is my best friend!”_ ** _ Woobin walked out from the front door with a pout and his mother just laughed while watching him walk towards the older.  _

**_“Please ignore my mother-”_ ** _ he was blushing while he said that and Serim can’t help but ruffle his hair instead causing the younger to become even redder.  _

**_“You’re so cute,”_ ** _ and Woobin only glared at him after he said that. _

“Serim?” Woobin waved his hand in front of Serim’s face and the older quickly woke up from his trance. 

“Yeah? Let’s go in,” Serim quickly get out of the car, walking ahead of Woobin while the younger stares into his back, getting confused with his behaviour ever since they arrived the village. 

-

Woobin only stared at the doorknob, too scared to push it open. He is scared if he couldn’t handle living through the darkest memory in his lifetime, he is scared if he will re-open any of the wounds he hid deep inside of him. People will say he is stupid, why does he still follow whatever Hyunbin wanted in the will, even Serim told him that he didn’t need to do this if it’s only going to make him worse. 

But he wanted to let Hyunbin go peacefully. He once wanted to die because he couldn’t handle living in the hell his brother created but he knows Hyunbin didn’t mean those when he is back to his usual self the next morning. He knows they live through hardship and he doesn’t want the hardship Hyunbin and he went to go to waste just because both of them decided that leaving the world is the best choice. He wanted to live, for mom, for dad and for Hyunbin. 

With a deep breath, he twists the doorknob and the first sight that he sees is the living room. His body started to shake, breathing laboured as he stood there like a statue. Serim who realizes what happened immediately holds the younger’s hand and turns him around so he is facing his face instead, “Don’t look if you can’t handle it,” he said. 

Woobin is still trembling in his hold but he didn’t say anything, only planting his face into Serim’s neck, too scared to open his eyes. 

After a while, he softly said, “We need to go to my bedroom,” 

Woobin holds Serim's arm as he pulls it with him to follow him upstairs. There were no lights, only the flashlight from both his and Serim's phone that helps them in the dark. He wanted to do this quickly because his heart is palpitating badly, he felt his panic attack would come back anytime sooner if he stays longer. 

When they arrived upstairs, he pushed his bedroom open, he could feel another wave of trauma start getting into his head but he quickly moved to the bed, taking the box Hyunbin left him. 

There’s a  **_‘park ddaeji <3’ _ ** written on top of the box lid and Woobin’s face contort into confusion.

There are thousands of questions, he didn't remember seeing this box back when he was in middle school or high school. He decided that he will go through it later. He was about to turn around when he accidentally hit the bed, his phone slipped from his hand to the ground, flashlight pointing to the stack of old books on the desk. His mind starts to swirl as another wave of unwanted memories gets into his head. Immediately his whole body starts to tremble but before he could start to hyperventilates, Serim pull him up, and quickly drag him out of the bedroom. 

He let the younger leans against the wall, his hand holding the box as he let the shaking figure in front of him to calm down. Tears started to fall down Woobin’s cheek but he wiped it slowly, looking down as he tried to breathe through his shock. 

Serim’s hand unconsciously went through the younger’s bangs, pulling it backward to let his forehead breathe and Woobin look up, immediately calming down when his eyes locked with the warmth of Serim’s eyes. He pull Serim’s hand after a few minutes, softly saying, “Let’s go,” 

-

Serim was about to hand Woobin the box in his hand but he stopped when he took a closer look of the box under the streetlamp. His brows furrowed as the same throbbing pain came back,

**_“Tada!! Isn’t it pretty Ruby?”_ ** _ he handed Woobin the music box in his hand and Woobin immediately laughed.  _

**_“Music box??? Serim? Really?”_ ** _ Woobin continues laughing and Serim pouts in front of him after a while. _

**_“It’s Serim hyung for you! And do you not like it..?”_ ** _ He looks like a kicked puppy and Woobin knows it's time for him to stop joking around too. He still chuckles softly as he takes the box from Serim’s hand, looking at the design.  _

**_“It’s pretty,”_ ** _ the younger said softly and Serim’s face quickly turned bright. _

**_“I know right!! Try opening it!!”_ ** _ Woobin opened the medium sized music box in his hand and his heart skipped a beat when the music was played. It’s a recording of him and Serim singing to Dear Name by IU. He looked up and smiled so bright his eye smile could be seen.  _

**_“Thank you, hyung,”_ ** _ he said after a while.  _

Serim was about to open the box in his hand when Woobin call his name from the driver seat, wondering why is Serim still standing outside the car, “Hey Serim, we need to get going, it’s already late,” 

Serim lowered down to look at the younger from the window and he smiled, but somehow his smile isn’t the same, somehow he started to remember things and it’s all connected to the Woobin in front of him, making him confused. 

He gets into the passenger seat and hands Woobin the box in his hand, watching as the younger just examines it lightly before putting it in the back seat carefully. He then smiles to Serim, “Let’s go~” 

Serim was a bit disappointed as he was curious about the box but he just smiled back to the younger, hiding how much he was in confusion. 

-

They pulled up to a convenience store to buy snacks and mineral water for their stay in the hotel. As Woobin walked through the aisle of snacks, Serim was about to walk to the beverage section when the old man at the cashier called his name. 

“Park Serim right?” Serim look at him and the cashier widened his eyes, “Oh my god it’s really you,” Serim then awkwardly bow to him and the old man smile towards him while pointing his mouth towards Woobin who’s still choosing snacks for their stay. 

“You’re still stuck with him hm?” Serim’s eyebrows start to contort in confusion but he only nods slightly as he smiles, trying to not show the old man that he is confused.

“You really do love him so much I see… What he did was unforgivable,” Serim raised his eyebrow in suspicion.

“He did.. What?” 

The old man looks at him weirdly, “You don’t remember? Or did he not tell you? When you guys were around 8th or 9th grade, his mother remarried to a widower but that man abused him mentally, I think at one point he couldn’t take it anymore and he killed him when he is on his last year of high school, I know it was partially the man’s fault too but he killed a person-”

The old man stops talking as Woobin walks towards the cashier holding a bunch of snacks with different flavors. It was silent until when they were about to leave the store, the old man held Serim’s hand, “But he suffered a lot when you were gone, I hope you can make him happier now,” the old man said. 

Serim didn’t know why but his heart hurts hearing that.

-

They settled down immediately when they arrived at the hotel, there’s two separate beds for the two of them and they just quietly washed themselves. Both are too tired to initiate conversation after the whole day. Time seems to move fast when they are tired as both of them fall asleep immediately when their heads hit the pillow but of course Woobin was woken up by his nightmare. Eyes widened in agony, he looked to his side to see Serim sleeping peacefully on another bed. The rain outside didn’t make it any better too, his body flinched as thunder could be heard from the outside, sending shock over his whole body. 

“Woobin?” Serim said after a while, he could see the younger in the dark, leaning against the headboard, “Can’t sleep?” he asked. 

Woobin shakes his head, “Woke up. Nightmares.” 

Serim immediately opened his arm, “Come here, I won’t crush you in between my arms I swear,” he joked lightly and Woobin immediately walked towards him. When he situates himself into Serim’s arm, he can’t help but to sigh lightly, leaning his ears against the broad chest to listen to his heartbeat. 

After a while, Serim asks Woobin who’s still wide awake below him, “Are you alright now?” 

He only nodded and snuggle closer, “How are you so warm,” 

Serim chuckles at that, cradling the younger closer too, “I don’t know I just did,” 

There was a comfortable silence before Woobin quietly said, “I did something wrong before,”

Serim only stays silent as he waits for Woobin to continue, “I killed my stepfather,” Woobin said and Serim only patted his back softly. The younger look up immediately, there’s tears in his eyes. Shock and confuse on how Serim didn’t even flinch.

“Aren’t you scared of me Serim? I’m a monster, I killed people,” Woobin asked him, there’s a remorse behind that eyes and Serim sat up, pulling the younger with him too. 

“Tell me the reason why, if you want to share it to me,” Serim softly said and Woobin just lay his head against the older’s shoulder, looking down all the time, wouldn’t dare to look into Serim’s eyes. 

“I was- abused mentally..'' Woobin trailed off after that and Serim had to hold both of his shoulders, and push his chin up so he was staring straight into Serim’s eyes. 

“Woobie, listen to me. I’m not perfect too and I did something unforgivable too but you’re still here with me, as I’m also still here for you. We didn’t know each other’s past, that’s why we are here together today, I want to help you go through this, alright? You’re not alone and I’m not scared of you,” Serim says as he looks at Woobin and the younger just nods softly. 

Serim then smile, “Now, let’s get you to bed, you have classes to teach on Monday, we need to go back early tomorrow,” 

-

_ His eyes darted around, protectiveness ran through his blood as he shuddered in fear. He couldn’t remember where he was and what he had gone through but tears started to brim in his eyes as he stopped to sit on the bus stop he saw. Sitting there, sobbing quietly, he didn’t realize when someone approached him slowly, a boy around his age or younger, with big round eyes.  _

_ “Are you lost?” Serim was startled when a woman's voice came out and only now he realized the boy wasn't alone. He was with his mother. He was afraid to reply but he was even more afraid to be left alone there. The bag he brought along sag against his shoulder as he just let out more tears causing the older woman in front of him to panic.  _

_ "Hey, you're safe with me, please don't cry, we will help you alright?" The woman then faces her son as she crouches down so she is the same eye level as her son, "Woobie, I want you to talk with him about your favorite toy while I call someone that can help, okay?"  _

_ The smaller boy answered her with twinkling eyes, "Quokka plush? Can I talk about my quokka plush with him?"  _

_ The mother then just smiled softly, "Yes, honey," She then quickly dialled 911 and Woobin slowly approached the scared boy.  _

_ “Hi, I’m Woobin,”  _

_ Serim looked up, tears still staining his cheeks but he still took a good look at the boy in front of him, 7 years old Serim could only cry more. He is cold, and he is scared. _

_ Woobin scooted closer and sat next to the older boy, he put his chubby hand on top of Serim’s cold one, squeezing it lightly.  _

_ “What’s your name?” The Woobin boy asked again. _

_ Serim slowly croaked out, “S-Serim,”  _

_ “I’m 6 years old,” Woobin said smiling. Serim look at the chubby boy’s face and back again at their hands that are still connecting with each other.  _

_ “I’m your hyung,” Serim said suddenly and Woobin eyes widened in surprise. A small smile was given to him again. _

_ “Hi, Serim hyung, let’s get along well,”  _

_ While the older kid starts to get fascinated when Woobin told him stories about his plushie, his mother suddenly approached the two of them, "Later on there will be police that come fetch us-"  _

_ "Did we do bad things? I thought the police would only come if we did bad things?" Woobin asks his mom, eyes widened as unconsciously he holds Serim's hand next to him tightly.  _

_ "Serim hyung didn't do bad things either, right?" he asked the boy next to him and Serim only nodded timidly.  _

_ The mother just smile as she hold both of their faces in her hands, "The police will be here to help us so Serim hyung can get home fast, you want that for your new friend too right Woobie?"  _

_ The smaller boy nods softly, “Okay,”  _

_ The police come after a few minutes. Woobin only watches as his mother exchanges a few informations with the police officer. He held Serim’s hand the whole time until it was the time when Serim needs to go. They didn’t exactly exchange any words before they parted but Woobin remembered seeing Serim’s curious eyes looking at him in the car, waving him a goodbye.  _

_ - _

_ Serim look at the entire class with uninterested eyes, but that changes when he spotted someone that looks familiar to him. With curiosity, he walked to the front of the class, approaching the table of his classmate.  _

_ “W-Woobin?” The younger boy looked up, surprised someone in the class actually tried to initiate conversation with him. But as he looked up, his eyes widened even bigger. _

_ “Serim?!” For the first time in a while, Serim let out a genuine smile.  _

_ “How did you end up here? It’s a class for 4th grade,” Woobin then proceeds to tell him the story of how he ended up moving a year faster than the other kids from his batch. They exchange stories too and Woobin learns that Serim grew up in an orphanage since that day they met for the first time.  _

_ - _

_ “Mrs. Seo isn’t home again?” Serim asks the younger as they play with the swing at the playground. Woobin only shakes his head sadly.  _

_ “I accidentally heard one night she was on a phone call with someone, maybe her new boyfriend,” Serim then look up to the stars above their head.  _

_ “You will have a new father soon?” He looked at Woobin next and he saw how Woobin had his eyes close while letting the cold air brush his face.  _

_ “Maybe,”  _

_ It was silenced after a while and Serim quickly pulled something out from the plastic that he had brought with him. It’s a cupcake but the icing already smeared. _

_ “Ruby, here,” he called for the younger to sit at the benches there and Woobin was staring at him with confused eyes, “Ruby?”  _

_ “A nickname for you, hehe. Now, come here before I eat this by myself,”  _

_ The younger sit cross-legged in front of him and Serim put a candle on top of the smeared cupcake, lighting up the candle, he said, “I know you’re sad but you can’t missed your 13th birthday just like that,”  _

_ He presented the cupcake to Woobin and the younger smile softly, “Make a wish, Ruby,”  _

_ Woobin closes his eyes, hands clasping together for a few seconds, and as the clock strikes 12 a.m, he blows the candle.  _

_ “Happy 13th birthday, Woobin,”  _

_ - _

_ “Are you not free too this weekend? I really want to see you during the football match,” Serim look at the younger but Woobin isn’t even focusing on him. Instead, his eyes are looking at the empty spaces behind Serim.  _

_ “Hello, Seo Woobin, are you even here?” He waved his hand in front of him and Woobin quickly looked at Serim, a fake smile on his face as he answered.  _

_ “I can’t hyung, I need to study,” Serim raised his eyebrow, confused.  _

_ “But mid-term is still far away from now..”  _

_ “I know.. but-”  _

_ “Hey Woobin, father is already waiting at the front gate,” Serim look at the boy who called Woobin and jealousy starts to burst in his heart as he watch how Woobin quickly waved him a goodbye to follow the boy.  _

_ - _

_ “My mom got married last month,” Woobin told him as they lay down at the playground.  _

_ "Really? Is it the same guy Mrs. Seo had gone out with?" Serim asked and Woobin just nodded.  _

_ Serim then looked next to him, itching to ask the younger about the guy he used to see nowadays.  _

_ “Who is the boy you always went home with these days? Is he a part of your new family too?” Serim slowly asks and Woobin only smiles softly.  _

_ “Yeah, that’s my step-sibling, we are the same age though but his birthday is around february so technically he is a hyung to me,”  _

_ Serim got a dejected look after that followed with a pout, “But I’m your only hyung,” he said slowly and Woobin chuckles next to him. He look at Serim and had his finger pushing the strand of the older’s hair to the back of his ear, so he can clearly see his eyes, “I know, I can never replace you,”  _

_ “I’m sorry that I couldn’t really spend my time with you, father is a strict person,” Woobin said sadly after that.  _

_ “It’s okay, at least you’re still here with me,” Serim answered him. Both of them lay on the grass, their bags were used as their pillows as they watched the stars in the sky and they didn't remember how time passed by so fast that night. None of them knew that would be their last time spending their time together.  _

_ - _

_ “You promised me, Ruby. I live through today because I wanted to be your tomorrow but this is how you pay me?? I didn’t know you’re the same like everyone else in the orphanage too,” Serim said, teary-eyed as he watched Woobin looking at him with hateful eyes.  _

_ “I just decided that being your friend was a wrong choice, plus you don’t have a mother, you feed on other people’s money, you can’t forever rely on me-” _

_ Serim's heart burned so much from every word that Woobin said to him, “You’re saying the time we spent before were just you faking everything? It can’t be, Woobin. I know you are not like that,”  _

_ But the younger just rolled his eyes, face cold, looking at him with disgust, “I just forced myself to like you but then at the end, I just couldn’t do it anymore so-” and the next thing he knew he was punching the life out of the younger and Woobin just let him be as he lay there, accepting every punch.  _

_ “I never ask for even a penny Ruby, I NEVER ASK, and if I could give you back all your dirty money, I FUCKING WOULD, should’ve just done this earlier huh? Fuck you and all your empty promises,”  _

_ Serim is screaming as he punches the younger. His heart burns so much he just wanted to scream and scream and scream. He couldn’t see the look from Woobin’s eyes but the younger didn't punch him back, he never lays his hand on Serim's before, and not even now.  _

_ “Tell me. Tell me this is because of someone Ruby, tell me this is because someone asked you to forget me,” he mutters under his breath, tears staining his face as Woobin pushes his hand from his body.  _

_ The sentence he said after that broke Serim’s heart into million pieces, he just couldn’t believe what he heard,  _

_ “I hate you, I regret every moment I had with you,”  _

_ And that was when he realized he had no one else to rely on, not even Woobin this time.  _

_ - _

He opened his eyes and the first thing he did was, crying his heart out. Woobin is still wrapped in a blanket next to him but Serim couldn’t stop his tears, after all these times, the dreams he always had at night, the dream that woke him up and left him confused because it felt so real in his mind. It hurts so much because that wasn’t a dream, that was his memories. His head is hurting but nothing hurts more than to know that Woobin didn’t remember him at all, not even the day they parted. He remembers almost everything now except for the part on how he forgets his memories. He rubbed his face, careful not to wake the younger up as he walked towards the balcony of the hotel. 

As he sat there, his mind just went back to the memories he had in his head, angry at the fact that Woobin is here, but is also happy at the fact that Woobin is back in his arms. He fished out his phone from his pocket and went through his gallery, looking at Woobin’s photos that he secretly took. 

His tears fell again, broken to the fact that the younger was hurting when he was gone. 

“Why did you lie..” 

“Who lied?” The younger appears at the balcony sliding door, looking at Serim with messy hair, yawning tiredly. 

Serim quickly put his phone down, looking back at Woobin, smiling, “Nothing, why are you up? it’s still early,” 

“Well, why are YOU up? Come on hyung, let’s go back to bed, it’s cold,” 

Serim’s heart skips a beat as the word hyung left Woobin’s mouth, it has been a while since he last heard that. He can’t help but smile softly as the younger pulls his pajama sleeve towards the bed.

_ My Woobin is here, he is always here.  _

-

They arrived in Seoul around noon. 

The younger one hadn't gone through the box yet and when Serim asked why, he just said because he was afraid. Serim couldn’t blame Woobin too, what he went through wasn’t easy. Even if he was dying to know the reason why he lied to him about hating him back then when they were younger. 

He dropped Woobin in front of his house. There’s this pained expression on Serim’s face when they were about to part, making the younger confused, “What’s wrong, Serim?” 

Before he could answer why, Serim already wrapped him in a hug, startling the younger. Awkwardly, Woobin had his hand rubbing Serim’s back, trying to help him since he doesn’t know what is going through his head. 

“Everything is going to be alright,” he said softly, “Just like what you told me, I’ll be here for you just like how you’re here for me,” he continued. 

  
  
  


**[2 months had passed]**

Woobin still had trauma, and it's sickening how everything around him gave him trauma but at the same time reminds him of his twin brother. 

The kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom. Every nook and cranny of his house gives him weird feelings and maybe that is why he is kinda glad Serim was there throughout it all, sometimes he slept in Serim’s apartment complex instead of his because his nightmares got so frequent ever since. 

He stares into the mirror and he sighs, knowing what Jungmo said is nothing but facts. His cheeks had sunken badly, he realizes he isn't doing okay but he still needs to stand on his two feet, no one is there to save him, be it with or without Hyunbin, he only has himself to save his own self. 

Ironic how he pushes people away when he needs them the most but he always thinks of this as his punishment. 

"Woobin? Are you in the shower? I brought you breakfast, come out to eat after you've done showering," 

But then, maybe, he still has someone to hold on. 

\- 

  
  


“You didn’t think I could be this sweet right?” Serim asked the brown haired guy next to him but what he got back was just empty silence. 

It's nighttime and Serim had told him he bought tickets to the new amusement park. Woobin refused to go at first but Serim had begged him so much he had a hard time saying no. So here they are, Woobin walking with no interest with Serim next to him trying to initiate conversation. 

“Hey come on Woobin, it’s been almost 3 months, aren’t you warming up to me yet?” Serim nudge his elbow into Woobin’s side and the younger finally look at him. 

There's a dark circle under his eyes due to severely working extra hours everyday. Ever since the day they came back from Gwangju, Woobin never stopped working, there isn’t a day when Serim could see the younger just sit in the balcony to take in the fresh air. That was also why he had asked him out today. 

“Why are you trying so hard?” Woobin asked him a question, there was confusion on his face, always wondering why does Serim still stuck with him. Serim just smiled at him, “You need to unwind! You’ve overworked yourself so much since your brother-” 

“Don’t.” 

“There’s nothing we can do, he-” 

“Yes Serim, I know and I didn’t ask for it, even if i did say it, it was because I no longer could handle anything he gave me, but I never asked for him to die, I never asked for people to leave me, okay? Now can you leave me alone for a while," 

There’s an empty silence and Serim just let Woobin walk further away from him, "Well, that was a wrong move Serim," he said to himself. 

He saw Woobin finally taking a seat at one of the benches there, in front of the ferris wheel. He slowly slipped in and sat right next to him and just stared at the direction Woobin is staring. He was about to say something when the younger slowly held his hand and squeezed it softly. 

"Sorry, I was too caught up with my own problems," Woobin said after a while, he is too embarrassed to look at Serim but the older just chuckles softly. 

"You don't need to explain it to me, Woobie. You lost your brother," 

The younger finally looks at him and Serim is surprised to see how his eyes are glassy, "But then again, I feel so pathetic that I am crying over someone I deem to hate so much. It's wrong, I want to hate him so much but I keep on crying when he is completely gone. Why can't I let him go?" 

Woobin's tears fell down slowly and Serim wipe those off slowly too, Woobin's sunken cheeks felt so bony against his hand and his heart dropped even more. 

"That's a question I can't answer for you," Serim said and he wipe the younger's tears again, "Tonight, let's try to forget the burden you have in your heart and let it out, I know this is nothing compare to what you are going through, but I want to help you even with just giving you a little time to forget," 

Woobin just stares at the ferris wheel again and he squeezes Serim's hand again, pulling it with him as he stands up. 

"I will try," there's a faint smile on Woobin's face as he looks at the older, and for once Serim felt relief washed over his body. 

Getting into the ferris wheel despite being scared of heights, Woobin held onto Serim's hand the whole time they were in there. When the ferris wheel started moving, he was having a hard time trying to calm down, especially when they were at the top, but then Serim is right next to him, holding his hand. The older held his clammy hand tightly too, rubbing a soothing circle when he saw Woobin starting to panic when the ferris wheel stopped. 

Serim's heart is bursting and he can’t explain because of why, maybe happiness? Because his Woobin is still here. Somehow, the Woobin that he knows before is still there. Woobin who is scared of heights and will never get into a ferris wheel or roller coaster without him by his side. He wants the younger to forget about his burden but maybe a part of him just wants the younger to remember them and what they used to be. It's so painful how Woobin is in front of him but he feels like the younger is thousands of miles away. 

"Stop staring," Woobin said, cheeks forming a faint blush as he fidgeted. 

"I was just making sure you aren't nervous," with that the younger rolls his eyes. 

"You're making me more nervous," Serim just laughs, but at the same time he holds both of Woobin's knees to stop him from fidgeting around. Putting his elbows on both of his thighs, Serim look up and Woobin got startle because he was looking down the whole time, so when Serim look up, their faces are just inches from each other. His eyes twitching in awkwardness and he quickly pulls his face away first. 

"Stop doing weird things," Woobin says again, cheeks getting redder. He wants to look out but looking out means he needs to watch how tiny everything is below him and he is scared of that. But before he could fidget again Serim held the younger’s hand, and put both of it against his eyes. 

"Don't look out, don't ever open your eyes," he whispers.

And before Woobin could understand what was going on, he felt someone's lips on top of his, kissing him softly. 

Time seems to stop moving and Woobin could even hear his heart beating like crazy. A part of him is screaming because he felt like this is too sudden but a part of him wanted this to last forever. Serim’s hand moved to the back of Woobin’s neck, pushing the kiss deeper and unconsciously, Woobin’s hand fell from closing his eyes to hold the front of Serim’s shirt tightly. 

He didn’t even remember that they were at the top of the ferris wheel. All he could remember is how soft Serim’s lips felt against his. 

-

They were silent as awkwardness surrounded them after the whole ferris wheel fiasco but they are still walking side by side, trying to hide how they are still blushing in the dark. 

“Hey,” “Do you-” 

Both of them said in unison, both looking at each other’s face and immediately both of them turned away from each other too, face turning crimson. 

“Do you want to go back home now?” Serim asked him softly. 

“Yeah,” Woobin said, hiding his small smile as they walk towards the parking lot. But then Serim suddenly stops walking, making the younger startle. The older turns around after that, facing the latter. 

“Thank you,” Serim said softly as their eyes met. 

Woobin never really thought about this but the words Serim said to him touched his heart so much, he would never think there's a more powerful word other than I love you. The whole time Woobin just stared into his face not knowing what to say.  _ Why? Why a thank you when I barely do anything?  _

Serim only looked up and he wasn’t surprised to see the dumbfounded face from the younger, “I won’t answer to what you have in your mind right now but I want you to know that I’m thankful to you. For all these time, thank you,” 

“We barely even spent 3 months together-” 

“I know. But you already showed me enough things to make me feel alive today. So, thank you.”  _ Thank you for existing Woobin, and it’s embarrassing to confess how my heart still craves for you all these time, the longing, the emptiness I felt all these times wasn’t because of my twisted desire, but it was because you weren’t there anymore. I could never erase you, even if you forget me, just like right now.  _

There was an empty uncomfortable silence and Woobin started to fidget, somehow his heart constricted and he didn’t know why, “I-I don’t know what to say,” his face is beet red by now and he quickly walk pass Serim towards his car. 

“It’s getting late, let’s go home,” the younger timidly said and Serim just laughs lightly, following him from behind.

-

  
  


“What time do you get off work tomorrow? I will fetch you,” 

Woobin walk towards Serim’s living room with a bowl of popcorn, handing it to the older as he sits on the sofa, “Hmmmm my class tomorrow ends around 5 pm and I don’t have any shift for the bar I’m working tomorrow too so yeah, that’s that,” he said smiling. 

Serim only nodded, “Alright, I will let you know before I got off work tomorrow,” a lie. A big fat lie again. What work??? Serim had ditched his work, not contacting anyone since he is still planning on how to talk about Woobin to his father. But he knows it won’t be easy. 

It will even cost him his life. 

-

“Woobie, I need to go to the convenient store downstairs for a bit, you can choose the movie you wanted to watch!” Serim said as he got out of the house. Woobin only smiles and he lay down on the sofa. 

Serim had changed his life somehow. He is happier now, aside from the nightmare he is getting, he is no longer abused and his past memories didn’t haunt him anymore. He didn’t know how and why but maybe it did change a little after Serim came. 

Remembering their first kiss made him blush, no one established anything, he didn’t say anything to the older either but Woobin would like to guess that both of them treat each other more than just a mere friend now. He could see from Serim’s action alone and he is happy that he isn’t the only one thinking the same.

Maybe it’s too fast but Woobin can’t help but feel like he can trust Serim. He feels safe when he is around him.

Forgetting the remote control in his hand, he walks through Serim’s apartment, only now realizing that he hasn’t really gone through the house yet. He goes inside the bedroom first, smiling to the thoughts that they once bicker about who is getting the bed and who’s gonna sleep in the living room but they end up tangling in each other’s limbs that night. 

As he was about to walk towards the living room, his eyes caught a room at the end of the hallway, eyebrow furrowing, he didn't remember seeing a room there before. 

His hand turned the doorknob, surprised when it clicked open. Thinking that the room is just a store, he pushes it open, only to feel his knees weakened. 

In front of him, is a room full of articles about him, pictures of his family, pictures of his brother. There’s a red cross mark across his brother’s picture and next to him is his picture, circled with “to be killed,” written next to it. 

He walked in, hand already cupping his mouth because he felt sick, tears started to brim in his eyes as he read the papers on the table. Evidence of him killing his step father, the picture of the rope his mother used to hang herself.

His tears fell, couldn’t believe he had spent 3 months living with a killer who killed his brother, now haunting him down, to kill him too. 

-

“Woobie-” Serim walked in to an empty apartment. Confusion written all over his face as he put the stuff he bought on the counter, walking through the hallway to search for the younger. 

“Woobin? Where are you?” 

But his confusion went away as he looked at the end of the hallway. He quickly ran towards the room, eyes widened in fear as he looked at all the articles on the table. They are all left crumpled on the floor. “No no no, Ruby this isn’t what I want you to see,” his tears fell as he dropped down to the floor, screaming in frustrations, blaming himself for forgetting about the existence of the room.

And because of his carelessness, Woobin is gone.

  
  



End file.
